Throes of the Unrequited
by Anyu Matsuri
Summary: Koizumi Itsuki loved Kyon. And when he proposed Kyon dumped him. What happened after was the Brigade falling out, and everything changing the future though it only tackles about the situation. Suicide present. Already complete !
1. Throes of the Unrequited

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Suzumiya Haruhi series. It belongs to none other than Tanigawa Nagaru-sensei! But this story [fan fiction] is mine.

**Warnings: **OOC, slight yaoi, psychotic thoughts, suicide, etc. 'Tis a dark fiction; thou hast no right whatsoever to condemn my work as some other genre. Okay, that sounds stupid. And yes, you might not like what the story will end up as.

**Characters:** [Main] Kyon and Itsuki Koizumi. This is told through Koizumi's perspective in the first part, then there is a break wherein it becomes Kyon's perspective and then there are a few sentences at the end that belongs to Koizumi.

[Minor] Haruhi Suzumiya, Mikuru Asahina, Yuki Nagato, Tsuruya-san, Arakawa-san and Mori-san. 

* * *

><p><strong>Throes of the Unrequited <strong>

_The rain pours like a broken faucet, unable to be controlled; then ended up drowning the whole world. _(1)

I closed the heavy volume of poems by some new writer and replaced it back in Nagato-san's shelf. I proceeded then to sit at one of the foldable chairs in the clubroom. At normal days I would have already played a game alone to pass time, but today it seems like the habit had already left me. There was no one else aside from me in the room, and also taking notice of the condition outside, it was practically bleak. The three female brigade members had gone downtown to shop for the party Suzumiya-san herself organized for no reason at all. I'm guessing that it might be some important date to her, but I have not assessed that myself.

I am alone. If only Kyon would be here and play some games with me just like how it was in the past.

But no, judging from the expression I got from him the time I declared what I had felt for him I don't think he would want to be left in a room alone with me anymore. I sighed as the bad memory played itself once again in my mind. I hadn't even got the slightest chance to retort back at his hurtful words; his hate pouring out of his mouth in the form of awful words that made me recoil and think low of myself.

"Yahoo~! Sorry we're late!"

_"Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris."_ (2) I said loudly to myself, suddenly remembering Mephistophilis' words to Doctor Faustus. The jigsaw puzzle I bought from the supermarket lay undone at the table. It was supposed to be finished by Kyon and me, not by my efforts alone. But I know that that thought would never come true, just like how the other thoughts didn't. They merely remained a thought until they rot away in my brain. And no matter how hard I try to remember the thought that had already decayed, it wouldn't come back to me.

"…Huh, what are you spouting to yourself Koizumi?"

I hadn't noticed that the door had been opened harshly by none other than the subject of my observations, Suzumiya Haruhi-san. The other two girls had been standing behind her, the three of them carrying heavy-looking shopping bags. Suzumiya-san just stared as me as she waited, which I only answered with a smile and the word "Nothing." As soon as the door had closed and the bags had been dumped on the table in front of me, Suzumiya-san flopped on her seat behind the ill-begotten computer.

Nagato-san had gone to her usual seat beside the window, wherein she drowns herself in her own world and literally ignores the existence of other beings surrounding her. But I guess that was the way she was supposed to act, given that she was only sent here to observe Suzumiya-san and save Kyon from harm, which was frequent.

Thinking about Nagato-san only made me remember Kyon, which in turn made my heart ache. A few days had already passed, yet why does the feeling of being awfully dumped still lingers?

_Do you now choose to forget him?_

Yes, if that is the best option. If that would make him come back to my side, I'll do anything it takes. I do not care anymore for these feelings.

_It depends on you, if you really had the strength and capacity to forget him. Unless you'd want to feel the wrath of Suzumiya Haruhi you will defy every single thing, even the feelings of Kyon himself._

Nagato-san had told me these words the day after Kyon had said that he would never like me. I was disheartened and obviously it showed through at the brigade's meeting. My sudden change in attitude prompted something inside Suzumiya-san that she does not want how I was acting. I wasn't the mysterious transfer student at that time; I was someone who was recently dumped by the person he loves.

Suzumiya-san seems to notice too that I was the cause of Kyon's sudden withdrawal from the brigade. She was furiously angry by this which caused a Sealed Dimension expand swiftly. The [Shinjins] were also a lot different. Under normal circumstances there would only be one or two, but this time almost fifty emerged from the darkness. Sadly, we were decimated in half. I was lucky a colleague of mine shielded me with her body. And her actual last words were, "Suzumiya-san's happiness is above all else."

Suzumiya-san's happiness is above all else. Suzumiya-san's happiness is supernatural things. Suzumiya-san's happiness is…Kyon. My happiness is to be loved by Kyon. My happiness would never come to me.

Asahina-san was brewing tea, which she even wrongly poured the tea into five cups, including Kyon's own. The deed only came to her after she noticed two cups—including her own—left on the tray when it was supposed to only contain one. She gasped at her mistake, which she immediately remedies by pouring the tea back to the kettle. Unlike the other brigade members she was forced to wear a maid costume and serve tea to everyone every single day. And it makes me jealous to think that Kyon seems to be infatuated to Asahina-san.

Kyon came up again in my trail of thoughts.

After a few minutes Suzumiya-san looked up from the computer screen and scanned the room. She was looking for someone, which is obviously Kyon, who unfortunately wouldn't come anymore to the brigade room.

"Kyon still hasn't appeared?"

Her eyebrows twitched dangerously as she turned to me, her assistant brigade chief only in the name, waiting for obvious answers.

"Unfortunately, he still hasn't dropped by, even by the time you, Asahina-san and Nagato-san went out to buy materials for the party."

I answered immediately because I don't have to think about the answer since it has already been laid out for all of us inside the room. But she always wants to be divulged like this. Yes, she wants to confirm everything from a source that is not her own self. Yet by the way she had asked me that question it seemed like there was some other reason why she had not asked the other members. Was she still blaming me for Kyon's resignation from the club? Yet her action really baffled me. Why hadn't she refused Kyon's sudden resignation? Does this mean that she was slowly succumbing to the boy?

It seems like the highly-esteemed Suzumiya Haruhi had stooped low to like a normal human, a normal human that I also happened to love.

A normal human that I would never get no matter how hard I try.

"Hmph, this is boring. I'm going home."

With only that Suzumiya-san picked up her bag and left. At this gesture the two other brigade members followed suit, Asahina-san not even bothering to change out of her maid costume. I was once again alone inside the bleak clubroom. And outside the windows, rain suddenly pours on. I then remembered that I have left my umbrella at home.

The next day after class I went straight to the clubroom after Suzumiya-san had told me earlier that she had an announcement to make. Upon arriving I saw Nagato-san sitting in front of the table, Asahina-san still wearing her school uniform and was not serving tea and Suzumiya-san behind the brigade commander's table where the computer was supposed to be.

"Koizumi, please take a seat."

As it was supposed to be my nature to acquiesce to her every demand, I sat at the nearest chair that I found.

"Is there a reason why you have summoned us, Suzumiya-san?"

I looked at her frowning face, at the face that badly wanted everything to go her way. I was answered with a frown and a disheartened look.

"Yes."

Suzumiya-san's head hung low, her voice almost quivering in the most profound sadness. This is the first time that she had ever showed us her weak side. Then, seeming as though she tries to gather up every inch of strength left in her she slowly turned back to us.

"I summoned you all here because I wanted to tell you guys that I'm disbanding the brigade. Today we're having a disbanding party."

Her tears fell suddenly as though she really does not want everything to end. We only looked at her in shock, but she paid no heed to our stares as she continued to tell us everything she wanted to impart to us.

"I was really happy that I had formed this brigade and got such great subordinates. But I fear that this brigade should continue no further. I also cannot see the possibility of this brigade bringing back the things we've lost. All supernatural beings do not seem to like me, as they wouldn't appear no matter how hard I try to make them appear. But I'll continue believing that someday they would all come to me and be friends with me."

And that was the end of everything.

After the disbanding party Suzumiya-san immediately excused herself, and Asahina-san followed her lead. Nagato-san was left with me as though she have something that she wants to tell me.

"Suzumiya Haruhi's enthusiasm disappeared when Kyon stopped going to the brigade meetings. The Integrated Data Sentient Entity cannot see Suzumiya Haruhi's possibility to become the answer to self-evolution. This brigade is doomed to break up soon, even if Suzumiya Haruhi would not want that to happen. She noticed it herself, and she herself brought the end. If only Kyon never defied Suzumiya Haruhi's demands."

It sounds like I brought this thing myself.

"Goodbye."

Her petite figure started to walk away, leaving me alone once again in this bleak clubroom, which I would see for the last time.

The next day Suzumiya-san barged into my classroom. And after excusing me to the teacher, she proceeded to tell me that she hadn't seen Nagato-san around, not even at the clubroom or at her room.

"Koizumi, had Yuki told you anything about transferring?"

I merely shrugged my head in denial. She hadn't told me anything at all last night. After hearing what I have to say she withdrew.

"Even Mikuru is gone. I asked Tsuruya-san and she told me that Mikuru didn't come to school today. I'm worried, so I looked to see if you're still here."

"Is Kyon still here?"

I asked, though it is quite obvious that both Nagato-san and Asahina-san would have already been called back to their time, considering that Suzumiya-san had seemingly 'lost' her god-like powers. It's only a matter of time before I would disappear too.

"Yes, he's still sitting in front of me."

"Do you want to conduct a city-wide search for Asahina-san and Nagato-san?"

"…No need. Well, I just went here to see if you haven't disappeared like them. Bye."

"Bye."

After seeing Suzumiya-san enter her classroom, I slowly moved from my place and went back to my class.

The class ended, and before I could stop myself I had unconsciously walked towards the clubroom and had even entered it. I only realized when I was already inside. Since I have nothing else to do as of this moment I lazily flopped down on one of the foldable chairs in the room.

As soon as I had relaxed in my sitting position my cellphone vibrated angrily. Someone was calling me, and that someone is the Agency/Organization. (3)

"Hello?"

The other line merely said 'Your role as a mysterious transfer student is over. Suzumiya Haruhi's happiness depended on your act but you didn't go as planned. Your last assignment is to have Suzumiya Haruhi form the brigade once again, and you must do everything you can to make it possible. It doesn't matter if you live or not; Suzumiya Haruhi's happiness is above all else. Mori-san and Arakawa-san is going to your place immediately and will prepare you for everything.'

Then click. The call was ended because all had been already said.

In just about three minutes of waiting the butler-maid combination stepped inside the clubroom. Mori-san holds the vial that will supposedly control my body to do the task assigned. I had no other choice but to take the concoction in compensation for everything that I had done.

Gingerly I took the body-control concoction from Mori-san's hand and drank the almost bubbling deadly fluid. By doing so I subject all my body movements to the full control of the Agency/Organization.

"Koizumi Itsuki-kun, it is a pleasure working with you. Goodbye."

The duo then disappeared from my sight.

As soon as they were gone my feet carried me towards Kyon's house. In less than ten minutes I reached the house and upon fumbling for the doorbell, I managed to have Kyon talk to me.

"What do you want?"

Signs of contempt and disgust showed at his face the instant he saw me. I can see that he still hasn't forgotten my confession from a week ago.

"I want you to persuade Suzumiya-san to form the brigade once again."

"I have nothing to do with it. And wasn't she the one who ended everything?"

"Asahina-san and Nagato-san had already disappeared from our time-plane."

And it's only a matter of time before I disappear as well.

"I cannot bring them back. And so does Haruhi, since it seems like she has already lost her powers."

"The sudden disappearance of the two is causing confusion in everyone. No one even tried to mend it. Only the re-formation of the brigade is the answer."

Kyon seemed to think after that. I just looked at him with pallid eyes.

"And then, after that what will happen?"

"Everything would go back to normal."

He eyed me curiously, but he cannot make my heart beat fast again as my body was subjected to control from the Agency/Organization. My smile is also lost from my face, and only my pallid expression greets him.

"Sigh, Haruhi still gives me the headache. So, must I just call her and inform her that I would want to re-form the brigade? And what would I use to persuade her with?"

"After Asahina-san and Nagato-san comes back to our time, go to the exact spot of the mountain where we dug up the non-existent treasure of the Tsuruya clan. Or even before they come. I had devised a scenario that will make Haruhi want to re-form the brigade. I think it will be enough to bring back her power. Please do it tomorrow immediately."

"…Is that all?"

There is a long pause, with Kyon just looking at me intently and me looking back at him. No matter how hard I try to say what I really wanted to say, my voice won't form the words. In the end I was stuck saying only one word in answer.

"…Yes."

Then at that moment I turned and walked away without even saying goodbye to the man I love most, as this is the time that I will see him last…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"How come you bother me this early in the morning?"

I was with Haruhi that morning in the bus stop, doing exactly what Koizumi had told me to do last night. We were patiently waiting for our bus to arrive, but it seems like Haruhi's patience wouldn't last any longer.

"Koizumi told me to drag you towards the mountain beside Tsuruya-san's house. It seems like he found something out-of-this-world."

"You better not be wasting my time Kyon. I would rather look for Yuki and Mikuru than waste my time for this."

The bus that we were waiting had already arrived. The ride is long considering we were anxiously fidgeting in our seats, itching to see what Koizumi had done this time. As soon as we arrived we wounded our way towards the gourd-shaped rock which is our mark.

But we haven't seen the rock in its original position. Instead, it was laid flat, and what was use to inscribe symbols made me retch.

On the surface of the stone the same markings Haruhi and I draw on Tanabata festival three years ago had been illustrated, except for a pentacle at the bottom. And the ink used to write on the stone? Blood, as it seems, of a human.

"Who would do such a horrifying thing?"

Haruhi was only a bit pleased at this as her nose wrinkled in disgust at the sight. Then she turned her head left and right, like she was looking for the culprit.

"Where is Koizumi by the way?"

I shrugged and told her that I don't know. After a few minutes contemplating in silence we were disturbed by the crunching of leaves under a person's foot before it abruptly stopped.

"There's someone here besides us Kyon. Must it be Koizumi?"

The footsteps then continued. After hearing sufficiently enough for us to guess where the sound was coming from, we turned our heads and waited…

Who emerged wasn't Koizumi. Rather, it was two people we do not even think would be coming.

"Yuki? Mikuru?"

I looked at Haruhi, who was already running towards the two.

The two let themselves be hugged, while Nagato-san stared at me. There is obviously something wrong. Koizumi should already be here.

As soon as Nagato-san neared me, I asked her about the blood illustrations. My fears were confirmed when she told me that it really is the blood of a human, and that it was newly done. It means that the perpetrator is still near.

"But how did you and Asahina-san managed to get back?"

"Suzumiya Haruhi's power came back. It must be after she saw the illustrations that she herself had drawn in the past. It made her recall and was able to get back her powers in the process."

Does this mean that you will continue to observe her until you've found a way to use her power for the self-evolution thing?

"I guess so."

Just then Haruhi made Nagato-san turn to her and then had dragged her towards the sinister rock.

"Yuki! Do you think this blood is from a human?"

Nagato-san told her what she had told me just earlier.

"It is from someone we know. And that person is dying."

Do you mean that someone had extracted blood from the person you said we know and used it to draw these symbols? And where is that person who was victimized?

Nagato-san pointed to the rock.

"I am here."

Well, yes you are right there. But what is the purpose of you pointing to the symbols?

Then it hit me. These symbols meant 'I am here.' Do you mean that someone is buried under this rock?

"Yes."

Who? Haruhi and Asahina-san had gasped in shock. We have no tools to use to dig this place.

"Mikuru and I will borrow shovels from Tsuruya-san."

I had no time more to argue with Haruhi as she had dragged Asahina-san down the mountain. But if someone was already victimized, wouldn't it be alright if all of us stick together?

"The culprit is someone we know. And that person is not anymore capable of performing such feats."

What do you mean by that? Who would do such a thing?

"Koizumi Itsuki."

Koizumi did all of this? Who was the person he buried under the rock? Should we call for a police to search for him? I'll kill him if I saw him!

"No need."

Then Nagato-san pointed the rock.

"Koizumi Itsuki is buried under this rock. I think it is better that Suzumiya Haruhi wouldn't see him in his death. The espers are already decreasing due to the fact that Suzumiya Haruhi's powers got berserk before she had lost it. The Agency/Organization had been blaming Koizumi Itsuki for this event since he was the one who made you resign the SOS Brigade. I think that was the reason why he was buried under this rock at this moment."

Koizumi is dying because of me?

"He was inside a small sack at this moment, the oxygen levels dropping dramatically. His hands and feet are tied."

How did you know that?

"I can see what was happening to him at this moment."

Can he hear us?

"No."

What was he doing?

"He was dying."

Due to the fact that it seems like Nagato-san wouldn't give me incomprehensible answers anymore I turned back to the rock. The alien symbols are things that I know, but what is the relevance of the pentacle?

"….."

What answered me was silence.

After a few more minutes, Haruhi and Asahina-san came back with four shovels. Behind them is Tsuruya-san.

"Yoo-hoo~! I heard that you were digging this place again. How come?"

It seemed like neither Haruhi nor Asahina-san had told Tsuruya-san about the body that was buried under this spot this certain moment. Haven't they accepted the fact? Or are they simply just thinking of the time that they could lose if ever they explained to Tsuruya-san about the buried person back at her house?

Since I personally think tat Tsuruya-san had every right to know the truth, I turned to her and proceeded to tell her about what the other two had failed to tell her earlier.

Someone is buried in here. And we must save him before he loses oxygen.

"Huh? Someone was buried in our property? Who?"

The three girls, aside from Nagato-san, looked at me like they already knew that I know who was buried under the rock. Because of their stares I was forced to say what I knew, except for the fact that it really is Koizumi who did all of these things.

"If that was the case then we should get moving! I will not permit anyone on my brigade to die!"

Haruhi, have you already made up your mind to form this brigade once again?

"If that was the only way to save Koizumi, or anyone from my members from harm, then I will do whatever it takes!"

Her determination always precedes everything she does.

All of us are now pushing the rock off the spot where we would be digging for Koizumi. As soon as we did the task the shovels had been passed to us. Then we started digging.

"Be careful! You might be already hurting Koizumi!"

Haruhi continued shouting orders as she furiously dug the place with all her strength. Asahina-san cannot do anything as always, while Tsuruya-san and Nagato-san doing exactly what Haruhi was doing.

"Nagato-san, how deep was Koizumi in?"

"Six meters."

That deep? How did he do that by himself?

"He dug everything and did all of this, but it wasn't him who covered himself with the dirt."

Is it Arakawa-san and Mori-san?

"….."

The four girls had stopped by the time that we have to go down to continue digging. So I, as the only male, continued digging until I heard Haruhi say 'Stop!'

When I looked at the seemingly grave that I've dug, I saw a small part of a sack. Have we already dug up Koizumi?

"I'll go and check."

I walked beside the sack. With my hands I brushed the remaining dirt away and was able to pull the heavy sack from the soil. It was tied at the top, and there were blood markings at the side of the sack.

"Kyon, open it already!"

I know! Then, fumbling for the knot, my trembling fingers slowly loosened the tight knot that was imprisoning Koizumi. As soon as I had done the deed, Koizumi's head popped in view.

"Koizumi!"

Haruhi slid down towards my place, where I was holding Koizumi gingerly with my hands, as if fearing that he would break apart once I wasn't careful enough to hold him.

Koizumi was in shambles. His eyes were covered with a bloody handkerchief and there were blood tracks on the side of his mouth. He was breathing slowly and quietly, his uniform was matted with sweat and blood. There were so much blood that I am not sure if he will last until he gets to the hospital, which Tsuruya-san had been eagerly calling for help once we have unearthed Koizumi.

Haruhi gently took off the handkerchief blocking Koizumi's eyes from seeing. She should not have done that.

What greeted us were his eyes looking far off in a direction we don't know, his eyes bleeding. No matter how hard we try to make him see, he couldn't see us. His eyes are already blind.

"S, Suzu,m,miya-san…"

Koizumi mumbled weakly, his head turning slowly to left where Haruhi wasn't positioned.

"S,Suzumiy,ya-san…"

"Stop talking!"

Haruhi shouted at Koizumi when she noticed that Koizumi cannot talk further. I looked at her and saw tears lingering at her eyes. Koizumi then turned to where he had heard Haruhi speak when he noticed that he was talking to no one in the direction he first turned to.

"Who did this to you?"

Her trembling voice cut through the serene silence of the woods. Her head now hung low, but was obviously peering at Koizumi's battered face.

"I d,did… Because, S,Suzumi,y,ya-san w,wants Kyo,Kyon to c,come back,k right? I j,just did wh,what I c,can…"

"That is stupid! It is not your fault that Kyon resigned from the club. It is because he got fed up by my incessant feats. I noticed that. That is why I disbanded the brigade…"

"I,It's my fa,fault…"

Koizumi continued to say. He was about to say more, but he was cut off by Haruhi herself.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you live!"

Koizumi then tried to turn to my direction, which he obviously hadn't done perfectly.

"Is it a,alright for me t,to live?"

Should I be the one to answer the question? I looked at Haruhi which looks like she was saying, "yes, you dumbass!"

"Yes, it is alright."

"R,Really? I'm ha,happy…"

Then Koizumi's head twisted to the right, and stopped talking.

"Koizumi? Koizumi!"

His eyes looked straight to nowhere. His mouth is half-open, neither smiling nor frowning. He became limp under my arms. I cannot feel his breathing anymore.

"KOIZUMI! CAN YOU HEAR ME! MOVE!"

The one who was shouting and also shaking Koizumi was Haruhi herself. I had now seen her face. Tears continuously falls down her cheeks, her eyebrows twitched in obvious frustration. Above, I can hear the silent crying of Asahina-san. Nagato-san just peered at us, but she must have wanted to cry too. Tsuruya-san stopped talking on the phone abruptly. I just stared at Koizumi, unsure if I would want to believe that everything happening in front of me right now is true.

"Koizumi, you're not dead, right?"

I then lowered my head in the level of his chest, where I tried to hear the faint sound of a heart beating. But all was futile. Koizumi is already dead.

The ambulance team had come a few minutes later. Koizumi's body was now being hoisted in a stretcher. Haruhi went inside the ambulance immediately, though we already know that we cannot do anything to save him.

"Koizumi-kun is dead?"

Asahina-san asked me, her cute eyes now puffy from crying. I can only nod in confirmation. After knowing, she cried again.

Tsuruya-san was holding Asahina-san who was in the verge of falling apart. She had just seen a person die. Nagato-san, who was silent the whole time, was peering at the inscriptions Koizumi had left.

"Nagato-san, who buried Koizumi?"

"The Agency/Organization wished for the deletion of Koizumi Itsuki since they thought that by doing so Suzumiya Haruhi's powers would go back to its original strength. But they were wrong. By doing so they had just prompted the end of the world. Although Koizumi Itsuki was merely a member of the brigade, it does not mean that for Suzumiya Haruhi his existence in the club means nothing. He was, like you and the rest of us, indispensable members of the brigade. And no one, not the Agency/Organization or even the Integrated Data Sentient Entity can change that fact."

What do you mean by 'the end of the world'? Would it be like the time when I and Haruhi were inside that Sealed Dimension?

"Yes. But this time all of us, including Koizumi Itsuki, will be summoned to the new world."

Can't you do anything to alter her decision?

"It's all up to you. I am merely an observer."

But you were by far the strongest! Are you saying that I should now use my last resort? (4)

"If that is what you think is right."

I turned to Tsuruya-san and asked her for a car to drive us to the hospital where Koizumi is sent. Quickly she fumbled for a phone and after hearing the confirmation, the four of us walked quickly down the mountain slope.

If using the last resort would not bring back Koizumi, I don't know what else I could do to make Haruhi change her mind about deleting the whole freaking world…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I dug furiously at the hard dirt, knowing fully well that I would be sleeping here for eternity. I guess that my role as the mysterious transfer student is over. This last task is to make Kyon come back.

The knife cutting against my fingers is cold against my skin. I can feel nothing, except for the coldness now creeping at my now-bleeding hand. Swiftly I drew the symbols from the newspaper from three years ago. After finishing I proceeded to draw a pentacle below for no apparent reason whatsoever. I just wanted to do something that only I have the will about for the last time.

The sun is nearly up the sky. And if I guessed right, Kyon and Suzumiya-san are already waiting at the bus stop. I don't have much more time.

The knife then started cutting through my eyes. What a pain! Only for a matter of minutes I was already panting because of pain, the sight around me only a vast expanse of darkness. I am alone. I am in darkness.

Kyon, I'm not just doing this for Haruhi, but also for you.

Cold hands started tying my hands and feet and covered my bloody eyes. I then felt being slowly placed inside a rough sack and to be thrown roughly down the grave that I myself had dug just earlier. A few seconds after I can feel the soil slowly being put back into place. For the last time I did what I have the freedom to do. For the last time I thought about Kyon and what I really wanted to tell him for the last time.

Kyon, I really love you…

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Okay, the ending sucks. I know and I apologize for that.

Anyway:

(1) It is a line from a poem I made. I was thinking of passing it to a newspaper, but I still haven't finished the whole poem.

(2) Act II, Scene 1, Line 42. The line translates to "Misery loves company." _The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus _by Christopher Marlowe.

(3) In the anime, Koizumi's group is called Agency while in the Light Novels it is called Organization.

(4) The last resort of Kyon is to tell Haruhi that he was John Smith. Watch/Read the Disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi for details.

About the story, I'm sorry if it seems like it is devoid of any emotions. And that I also noticed that I've written way too long! This is stupid for a short story. But then, I think I've only reached about 5,080 words and about 16 pages, so I think this is still okay.

Anyway, what do you think? No flame on me, the author, but rather on the story! constructive criticism will do.

I'm sorry that there are really no yaoi scenes. Inserting a yaoi scene in the story would sure disrupt the flow. And that is a bad story. And yes, Koizumi killed himself, both because of the order of the Agency/Organization and also because of the realization that Kyon would never be able to love him back. I think he noticed it by the time he went and talked to Kyon about the re-formation of the brigade. And also, did you notice that Nagato-san is avoiding the subject about who buried Koizumi? Well, I'm currently writing about that right now, and also what happened after. I am still not sure if I would want to see Koizumi alive once again, or if Kyon would love him back. I want Koizumi to suffer. Oooh, I'm showing my sadistic side.

Well then, that is all! I am not sure if this fiction is of any good, so please, tell me what is wrong with this! I will surely rewrite this after I've got enough criticisms about my work.

I'm rambling again. So until next time~!


	2. Alone in this Bed of Oppressed Feelings

**To start this all off please read my lengthy A/N after reading my story. I posted a question at the very bottom of the page. Can you all answer me please? I really need it this time! T.T**

Actually this story is tackling about the events that happened after the untimely death of Itsuki Koizumi in _my_ own fan story. Please read the first chapter to learn more! And it has been such a long time before I've finished this. Well, I've got a poem to make for my Poetry class and my lines are being rejected every single time because it's abstract. But it is now approved! So now my problem is finishing the darn poem. There's also this subject that I am in danger of failing just because my professor for that subject hates us. Apparently she's expecting a lot from us because she was the one who picked our section to be included in her list of classes. I'm rambling again! Sorry! Oh, before I forget, thanks to SakuraDrops141 for supporting and giving me ideas about this chapter! I really appreciated it.

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Suzumiya Haruhi series. It belongs to none other than Tanigawa Nagaru-sensei! But this story [fan fiction] is mine. Actually, this is a continuation to "Throes of the Unrequited." I hope this will end the questions. But I love questions! Seriously…

**Warnings: **OOC, suicide implications, murder, psychotic thoughts, etc. 'Tis a dark fiction; thou hast no right whatsoever to condemn my work as some other genre. Okay, that sounds stupid. And yes, you might not like what the story will end up as, because this might sound vague as hell could be.

**Characters:** [Main] Haruhi Suzumiya, Mikuru Asahina, Yuki Nagato, Kyon and Itsuki Koizumi. This is told through Kyon's perspective, then Haruhi's, then again Kyon.

[Minor] Tsuruya-san, Arakawa-san and Mori-san.

**Alone In This Bed Of Oppressed Feelings  
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"_Just a quarter of a day left_

_And we would be lighting up our fireworks as the New Year starts_

_But will it ever come?" _(1)

The book closed with a snap. Haruhi was getting agitated as ever. We have searched for countless number of days yet we still haven't found a single clue at how we could bring back Koizumi.

Koizumi died for the sake of the brigade, though it seems too shallow for a reason.

I, as the official voice of reason of this brigade, am the reason why we are now turning Koizumi's house upside down. It is the first time any of us had entered his house. It was a western-styled mansion, with only maids present. Where are his parents?

I asked one of the maids once and she bluntly told me that Koizumi isn't with his parents at the moment. The mansion is provided by none other than the Agency/Organization. And Koizumi was away from his parents because of his task as an esper. Because of Haruhi. He died for the sake of the brigade.

It's a shallow reason, if you'd ask me. And I'm being redundant to emphasize my point.

"Kyon, had you found anything relevant?"

Haruhi's head came into view. The girls are looking for clues at the library. I am looking inside Koizumi's room. This is where I found the book of poems written by some Anyu-girl whatever. I haven't heard her name anywhere, so I guess she wasn't that famous a writer.

"I only saw this book of poems. Though it may be irrelevant, the red line under specific lines in some poems is making it weird. Like Koizumi was giving us a vague message."

Not to mention that there are no other books around except for this book.

"Huh? What do you think does he want to tell us then?"

Haruhi went closer to my place and took a look at the book I'm holding. I began scanning through the book for the page where I saw one of the lines, but what I have found are self-written lines. Might be written by Koizumi, more or less.

"What is this?"

Haruhi stared intently on the page with the red-inked words. I too, gazed. And slowly my head started to throb because however I look at it, it looks like Koizumi was giving us a straight declaration.

"_You cannot save me…"_

And, written below is a very different handwriting from the first.

"_Die for me… For me…"_ (3)

Under it was a pentacle like what we had saw from the rock.

Haruhi roughly snatched the book from my hands and continued staring until she closed it and shouted to my ear with her deafening voice.

"Why would Koizumi-kun write these things? This is morbid in every possible sense!"

I know that! You don't have to scream in my ear!

"I am not Koizumi to know the answers to that. Isn't it why we were investigating in the first place? To know the reasons why Koizumi had done such a thing? And ever since I told you that I was John Smith, I still don't understand why you wouldn't use your powers to get him back."

Haruhi pouted like a kid and looked away from my gaze.

"What if Koizumi-kun has his own reasons to do that to himself? I am still not sure if I will be able to bring him back. But I'm not saying that I don't want him back! It's just that, Koizumi-kun might become dismal if I bring him back without looking first at the reasons behind all of this."

"Haruhi, Koizumi clearly wanted to die. Haven't you heard him at that time? That he had hurt himself in every possible way that would end up killing him."

"But what if he really wasn't himself that time he did all of those things to himself? You heard how awful his words sounded like. It looks like he was under some strange medication, because of his garbled voice and his oddly-barbed words. At that time, I thought I'm not talking to Koizumi-kun, but to some other person."

Haruhi, you are in denial. You saw how he was so worked up in the brigade, right? Do you even know the reason for that?

"I know very well that Koizumi-kun harbors feelings for you. I am not stupid to not notice that. And ever since you resigned from the brigade, I can see Koizumi-kun becoming gloomy every passing day. But you are not the only reason; that is not what I'm trying to impart; I think all of us contributed to his demise, but, I still wanted to hope that he does not want that to happen to him. I trust in him that he would never leave the brigade. I, I just know. And I want to respect his free will. Even for only this time, I want to make it up to him."

Haruhi then started to look sober, her face reddening up. The book grew heavy under my arms.

"Look for more clues in here; I'm going to join the other girls."

And quick as a lightning, she dashed out of the room with her head still hanging low.

As soon as she was gone I continued scanning the book for the other poems with underlined stanzas. Then, after about a lot of minutes of scanning, I saw the poem earlier. But then I noticed that there is another line underlined, which I haven't noticed because it is the very last line of the poem.

"_At the exact time the New Year unfolded, bright white lights _

_Adorned_

_The midnight sky."_ (2)

I personally think that the whole poem talks about the ending of the world because of the clashing of, Celestials? Okay, this is weird.

But what is the relevance of this line?

…Personally, I don't know. If Koizumi will be here, then he would know how to explain this through both hypothetical and philosophical means. But he's not here. He's already dead.

That is why we would bring him back! We have to find the last chip! We have to know who had really buried him, who contributed to his death.

"_The sky is a cut-out of a starless void"_ (4)

Another abstract line. I really cannot understand Koizumi's pace in thinking. What does he want to tell when he underlined, "the sky is a cut-out of a starless void?" Was this how he looked at the world? Or does he mean the Sealed Dimension? I better ask Nagato-san about this. I'm sure that she would know.

I flopped down into the bed when I grew tired of standing. Koizumi's bed was a canopy-type one, and his room looks like the whole floor of the first floor of my house. If I hadn't known that this was provided by the Agency/Organization, I would think that Koizumi is a rich kid.

Lounging lazily on the bed I then flipped the pages slowly, taking the whole time of the world.

Why the hell would Koizumi underline such vague lines? As far as the brigade is concerned, the only literary-minded person is the bookworm Nagato Yuki-san.

I was still under contemplation when I had stopped in a page where everything else is underlined and circles are almost on every single word. There are also other words that is connected by the arrows to another freaking word. Out of curiosity I read the whole poem, but only one line struck me. Though not because it is magnificent or whatever, but there was one name that appeared beside it. Guess who it was?

You guessed right. It was my name I found.

Acting out of instinct I pored on the specific line, or more precisely, stanza. It goes like this:

"_Had I been a man would I_

_Think like a woman_

_Or would I just stare blankly as I felt _

_The confusing roars of the heart_

_Amidst the sound of tearing skin_

_Scissors lacerating the soft skin_

_Blood_

_Slowly seeping from the beautiful checkerboard cuts?"_ (5)

Uwoo, now this is morbid. Why did my name just have to appear beside this second line? This is a bit irritating.

Then reading further into the pages I saw scribbles starting to crawl unto the page. As the pages pile up in my hands, so does the scribbles on top of the pages until all that I could ever see are slight glimpses of the poem underneath everything. The scribble weren't anything coherent, just scribbles that looked liked scribbled on the page because of frustration or dread or guilt. But there was one line that was spared from the scribbles.

"_I slowly swallowed in_

_The nail-pierced strawberry." _ (6)

But the line does not say anything more either.

Humph~ I threw the book away. I was so frustratingly confused by everything I can't solve. Why did you have to die Koizumi? Couldn't you have just told us what you're planning so that we could have stopped you?

I covered my eyes with my arm, and I didn't felt the tears falling down before I felt the stinging pain over-crying does to my eyes. When I finally took the effort to notice it I had already cried tons.

"…I am **not** the reason that you died, right Koizumi?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kyon must be taking this hard. I know Koizumi-kun have had his own reasons but shouldn't he just have talked to me to reform the brigade? If he really wants that I might have made it come true! After all, I'm the all-powerful Suzumiya Haruhi, right?

But how come I'm powerless right now? How come I'm defenseless right now? I can't even tell Kyon about this. What was happening? Didn't he told me that I can do anything if I badly wanted it?

…Or do I just reject Koizumi-kun's existence because of the feelings he had for Kyon?

Even I can't answer that. I am not God, nor Buddha or Mohammed. I'm simply Suzumiya Haruhi. I'm still human in terms of physical and emotional characteristics.

So, is this feeling of jealousy normal to feel? Why am I even feeling jealous? What's there to be jealous about?

"…Suzumiya Haruhi."

Startled by the toneless voice that called me, I turned to my left and was looking directly at the self-proclaimed alien, Yuki.

"Yes? Have you found anything relevant?"

She only nodded then showed me an old photo. When I got my hands on it I only stared at the kid in the picture. The kid was smiling happily, together with an older man and woman together with him on the picture. The background looks like it was a place from the poorest of Japan. The older man looks a bit like Koizumi, only a bit older, with an almost crew-cut hair and a fisherman's get-up. The older woman has a long, wavy hair, with the smile and eyes exactly like Koizumi's own. She was wearing a dress that hung loosely on her petite body. Her pale skin color is in contrast to the older man's nearly-burnt skin color.

The kid was wearing a medal. Was that academically-related? He held a defiant smile on his face, with his hands on his hips. His school hat is still on his head, his school trousers a bit worn-out but he still wears them proudly. But the school, was it that school for super-gifted kids? I think the yearly school fees there reach up to the Seat of God! How can they afford such a school if they look this poor?

Maybe the kid's on scholarship… Wait, is he bragging that just now on this picture?

"Yuki, who is this?"

Asking absent-mindedly, I turned the picture up to her sight. But she does not need to look twice unto something just to answer correctly. I know that.

"It's Koizumi Itsuki."

She said without any pause or hesitation, her emotionless but defiant eyes staring up to my own overly defiant ones.

"But these people in this picture are dirt poor!" I argued, only to make nothing clear. "Or are they not?"

"It seems to me that Koizumi Itsuki is a smart kid ever since. His intelligence might have also been the reason why he was chosen to become an esper."

Yuki continued to speak words as she scans a book from the mini-library. It seems that this book has piqued her interest.

"But still, I could not believe that you, Mikuru and Koizumi are the beings that I've been looking for! I've just randomly picked you three, but I've got the right package!"

"Isn't it the same when you've wished for things to happen that did?"

Yuki stopped turning the pages and looked at me. Mikuru is at the kitchen, helping the maids make our snacks. Kyon was at Koizumi's room, wherein I'm not sure if he was still looking for clues or whatever.

"But still—"

"Whatever you will say the next moment is as contradicting as saying that we did not exist in the first place."

I had not meant to make it sound that awkward… But I'm only…

"Having doubts about your true feelings for Kyon?"

At hearing that sentence splayed in front of me to contemplate upon, I glared unconsciously at Yuki, shocked at how well she seems to understand me more than I do to myself.

"Um, the snacks are here~"

Mikuru-chan's cute voice wobbled into the room. With a weak resistance against food, I completely forgot what Yuki had been telling me earlier… Was it about Kyon?

…I don't think so…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I awoke only to see that it was already dark outside and that my eyes hurt badly. It must be the effect of crying to myself until I fell asleep.

So in the end I had not achieved finding appropriate clues for Koizumi's reason—true reason that is—to die.

Ah crap. I should have been looking for clues, not crying myself to sleep! Immediately I stood up even though I feel weak and wasted. Wait, who opened the lights?

I looked around and was not surprised that I saw nobody. The girls surely would have gone home already. What the heck? No one even bothered to wake me up?

It will be minutes later before I will notice the tray of food in the bedside table, together with a note from Haruhi, no less.

"Kyon! Why are you sleeping! This is no time to be sleeping about! I've called your parents earlier that we were going to have an extracurricular event tonight. I, Mikuru-chan and Yuki-chan are on the guestroom. If ever you find something come immediately to the room! Wake us up! You are not to sleep until you've find something useful as punishment on sleeping on us! By the way, that's your snack. Eat that for additional energy!"

I slightly balled-up the letter in my right hand, cursing the heavens for making Haruhi an almighty god.

Right after I ate the delicious snack (and the tea from Asahina-san, as expected) I continued looking for evidence inside the drawers. The book of poems (entitled "Alone in this Bed of Oppressed Feelings" by Anyu) was on top of the bed where it fell earlier. I don't think I would want to read the darn collection again as—

What the fuck is this?

I lifted the book up from where it was left, when a piece of paper fell out from the leaves. I'm curious about the paper that I have seemed to miss this whole time, so I picked it up and read it, which only made me a whole lot of surprised.

Written in the paper is a letter obviously for me, written by Koizumi no less, yet he hadn't had the time (or courage?) to give it to me either personally or not. But it also sounded like an internal monologue for himself rather than a letter from me. But at the first and last look it **is** a letter for me.

Confused out of my wits with the letter, I tried reading it out aloud for the sake of knowing what it really meant. But no matter how hard I try to change the meaning, it still ends up in one conclusion—this is a letter from Koizumi, addressed to me.

Here is what's written:

_Kyon, I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I'll keep on repeating this even after I die. _

_Because I will still be loving you._

_I love you._

_I love you so much._

…_Can't you even love me back?_

_If I told you I love you,_

_would you punch me in the face?_

_You would, right?_

_Since you hate me enough to walk away from me._

_I'm disgusting, I know._

_I can't change your views about me._

_It hurts me to think like that._

_I've thought that we've established enough friendship _

_for us to understand each other this much._

_Yet I am still wrong?_

_Am I really twisted?_

_I'm sorry._

_Just hate me, it doesn't matter._

_Use me until the end._

_I know._

_My end is coming._

_Who else knows?_

_None aside from me._

_But I know. Yet I don't want to…_

_[Die]_

_I have to face the consequences to my actions._

_Because I am nothing more than a delinquent._

_Yes, I am._

_You hate me for that reason too, right?_

_Many espers died last time._

_I haven't had time to tell you_

_since you left the Brigade._

_I miss you._

_You not talking to me is enough_

_to drive me crazy._

_Yes, I'm crazy._

_Right now I am._

_I'm sorry for being crazy._

_It's not your fault._

_Yet I'm making it sound like it was._

_Aren't I right?_

The next lines are incomprehensible, since the scribbles are smudged with something like water. Or are these tears? I don't know. But looking at this now feels like I was reading a tragic story, with the protagonist dying in the end. So does that make Koizumi the protagonist?

But this looks like a valuable piece of evidence, right? Immediately I dashed off to the room just down the hallway and harshly knocked. After a few loud knocks I was answered by an angry voice, coming no less from Haruhi herself.

The door suddenly opened in my face. What greeted me was Haruhi's disheveled hair from sleeping.

"What now? Don't you know what time it already was?"

Haruhi glared at me unlike any other girl of sixteen. Asahina-san was also stirring up from the bed in the left. Nagato-san was in the third bed, already sitting upright, although you would notice her hair is also disheveled from sleeping and the eyes still in a dreamy state. Then I turned back to Haruhi.

Who said in the letter to wake you up no matter what time when I found an evidence?

At the word "found" her eyes instantly began sparkling like crazy and she got back her usual aura.

"You already found one? Let me see!"

After a few minutes of reading the letter/internal monologue Haruhi contorted her face in a look of obvious confusion. Asahina-san had just returned with Nagato-san to the room carrying a tray of awakening tea and four cups with cookies from the fridge. As soon as the door closed Haruhi summoned Nagato-san to her side.

"Yuki, what do you think does this mean?"

Nagato-san looked at the paper for three seconds before sitting once again in an upright position.

"… It's a letter, obviously addressed to Kyon but in reality it is more like a diary entry, stating Koizumi Itsuki's state of mind in the last days of his life."

Can you elaborate the information more?

"To make it simpler, it is an undisclosed information about Koizumi Itsuki's person that neither us nor the Agency/Organization knows about. The letter discussed his anxiety, his fears, his frustrations, the answer to his own questions. You can also say that it is a letter not just for Kyon, but for the SOS Brigade. It's some sort of his saying goodye."

Haruhi seemed to still be confused. She tilted her head towards Nagato-san's direction.

"Why was it addressed to us? Why not to his parents?"

Nagato-san never spoke for a few minutes after that question. Asahina-san carefully handed us our cups of tea. I thanked her, and as usual, she turned red and squeaked to the tray to give Haruhi and Nagato-san their share.

"…Would you want to know the reason why? Won't it shock you to know something completely different to what Koizumi Itsuki is showing us?"

Nagato-san turned to us a cold stare, but no one from us dared to speak, not even Haruhi.

"Would you still want to know the reason why?"

"Yuki, do you know something we don't know?"

Haruhi finally asked back, her defiant eyes looking determined to know everything once again.

"…Yes."

"Can you tell us?"

"It's an information disclosed by Koizumi Itsuki himself to me about a week ago, two days after Kyon resigned from the brigade."

"Is it relevant to this case?"

"…I think so."

"Then tell us!"

"Koizumi Itsuki's parents died **three years ago**." (7)

That time again? And what was the reason for that? Haruhi again?

Haruhi threw a cold glare to my direction which in turn made me shake in chills. She glared at me for almost a minute before letting my eyes go.

"So, Yuki, continue."

"His powers as an esper are the main reason why his parents aren't alive anymore."

Oh… Wait, what?

"Great things come with big sacrifices. Koizumi Itsuki's parents knew the risk of what would happen if their son were to agree to use his power. But if Koizumi Itsuki would not accept his powers, not only would he not be able to go to school anymore but his strong esper powers will eventually destroy him. And even though Koizumi Itsuki's parent's lives had been the exchange for his temporary sanity, his brain would someday not bear to host both his intelligence and powers. If worse comes to worse, he would eventually break down."

So does that mean that his mild insanity can be blamed for his decision to kill himself that day?

"No. There is the outside force that acted alongside it."

And that outside force is…

"The Agency/Organization…" 

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Yes! This chapter is already finished! (Yay~!) I'm really sorry that I took so long to update this story! I sort of forgot the characters and the story too. Well, it's life. Such things really happen… Anyway! I decided to end it here, this chapter I mean. I was to post the next chapter maybe sometime next week? I'm sorry! This was supposed to be just a chapter only! I just write stories way too long. I think this is already a novella! Tch. Anyway, thanks for sticking with my story! I'm sorry if I'm such a crap, posting incomplete chapters and leaving you all hanging. I've posted a spoiler before right? Thanks for the reviews too! Well, since some of the reviewers are anonymous reviewers, I will reply to some of their posts here in my lengthy a/n.

Anyway:

1. and 2. Both are lines from my poem, "The World As A Watermelon Seed"

3. A line from The GazettE's song, "Burial Applicant"

4. and 5. Both are lines from my poem, "Connectivity, Principles of"

6. A line from a poem I'm working on right now. This symbol also appeared on SuG's video "Gimme Gimme."

7. This story is set on the brigade's first year in working. To make it simpler, Asahina-san is second year and the rest are first years.

I'm also sorry for my stupid Haruhi impersonation. My brain's all over the place that day after listening to Matenrou Opera's controversial song "Dolce." Haha~ it's supposed to be rated… I also have a test on Psychology and Asian History later that day, (I was awake up to 3 am) and I've not reviewed… I'm bored to death! And I've drunk about more than 4 servings of tea (Two Japan Milk Tea, One Oolong Tea and One Oolong Milk Tea) so I'm practically low blood that day. I'm also a bit dizzy…

There are some changes on some parts. I can't remember, really. I'm sorry; the test really took a lot of my brain cells. I have not reviewed for the entire thing! And about the topic if I've passed or not, well (I've been writing this second chapter on the exam week), I passed! I tell you now; I pass without trying so hard to review. Haruhi's technique really helps!

I just took a seme-uke test (I'm a girl, unfortunately) and guess what? I'm a sadistic seme! I always thought I'll be the uke, but I was wrong! I'm the seme, yey~! I'm really happy because of this…

Waah! I'm on Visual Kei overload! I've been listening only to them for almost a month already! I'm really happy. The music brings out my sadistic side.

I'm really sorry if I take a lot of time to update. I hope you all don't hate me. I'm really trying to update on time, but I can't. Guess I can't just write anytime.

I still have to get a level in Japanese proficiency! For now I've only memorized about a hundred kanji. I'm also thinking about Chinese (about ten to twenty characters at least), Korean, Latin, Spanish, German, French, Russian and Italian (I know the basics of all these languages at least). Well, I'm a linguist. I love words and languages. But I'm not proficient enough in English! I think…

Whatever. Bye~!

But WAIT!

Before you all go to the next chapter, I've got something to ask. What do you do if you notice that a sort-of cute person seems to have a crush on you? Do you ignore their feelings? Or do you simply do not notice? Tell me your answers! I need them! (*this depends on your gender, or if you prefer not to depend on your gender, then it's up to you. meaning hetero or homo :D)


	3. Down on the Ditch of Regret

**There's a question again at the bottom of the page. Thanks anyway for those who would answer me. I really, really need it! Personal reasons :D**

Thanks for the continuous support! I love you all! *acts cutely* And thanks for putting up with my extremely lazy nature. To those who continues to read my story, thanks! You're my reason why I can still continue writing this story, knowing that I still have supporters for this story. This is the second to the last chapter, and since this ends badly, I've written the fourth chapter. But it's not that bad. It's just not happy for one character…

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Suzumiya Haruhi series. It belongs to none other than Tanigawa Nagaru-sensei! But this story [fan fiction] is mine. Actually, this is a prelude to "Throes of the Unrequited." I hope this will end the questions. But I love questions! Seriously…

**Warnings: **OOC, suicide implications, murder, psychotic thoughts, etc. 'Tis a dark fiction; thou hast no right whatsoever to condemn my work as some other genre. Okay, that sounds stupid. And yes, you might not like what the story will end up as, because this might sound vague as hell could be.

**Characters:** [Main] Haruhi Suzumiya, Mikuru Asahina, Yuki Nagato, Kyon and Itsuki Koizumi. This is told through Kyon's perspective, then the perspective of the person who had buried Koizumi. I am not telling who he/she/they/it might be. Shamisen might also appear! And then again Kyon.

[Minor] Tsuruya-san, Arakawa-san and Mori-san.

**Down in the Ditch of Regret**

"Ehh? So does that mean that Koizumi-kun does not want to die himself?"

The one who reacted, and will only react like that, is Haruhi.

"…Yes. As Kyon himself had presented to us the evidences of Koizumi's apparent wish to live, I can also state what I know about this matter."

"S-so, will Koizumi-kun come back?"

Asahina-san clumsily poured the steaming tea on Haruhi's cup once again after the latter had gulped everything down.

That is if Haruhi would like it herself to make him come back… I turned to Haruhi only to be met with a cold glare that made me look away immediately.

It was about 3 in the morning, with the four of us the only ones still awake in the big house of Koizumi. As Haruhi had ordered me in the letter, I looked for clues in the dead of the night while the three of them are happily resting. Just thinking about it makes my mouth twitch in anger. It is not my fault that I've only seen that evidence now! And it's not as if I wanted that evidence myself! It even bears my frickin' name!

"But you told me that time, right? That I might destroy the world if I use my powers?"

Haruhi looked back at me coldly as if waiting for an answer from me. Noticing that I was the one that she seems to be talking to, I replied back in sarcasm.

"Do you really want him to come back to the brigade?"

"…Of course. After all, he's an indispensable vice-chief."

What's with that awkward pause? "Then why are you still hesitating? What's there to hesitate for?"

Then she paused again, and turned to me, her eyes clouded with thoughts.

"…It's because of you."

… Me? HUH? Can't you explain it a lot clearer?

"Koizumi-kun likes you, right? But you don't accept his feelings. You don't like him. Won't it make you feel awkward if he comes back?"

You're making it sound like I'm **really **the reason why Koizumi died! "Is that the reason why Koizumi is still not here?"

"It's because I'm not sure if I can bring him back! The pressure is not just on you Kyon, but it's also on me. What if Koizumi does not come back? What if he does come back, but something's wrong? For example, he does not have any memory regarding us, or worse, he does not have a memory at all? And there is also the possibility that it is not Koizumi that we will be summoning! Don't you even think at all?"

…I haven't thought about that.

"Anyway, we still have to know the basics of necromancy. And if I'm a god, I should be able to raise up the dead. Aren't I right?"

I wouldn't want to question your powers, but isn't it dangerous? Necromancy as a whole, I mean.

"Kyon, you're being stupid! There is nothing safe in what we were about to do! Anyway, what we need right now are information regarding what we need for Koizumi's comeback!"

And how about the person who buried him? The police still haven't got any lead on the person, right?

"Arg Kyon! You're complicating matters! Just shut up for a good five minutes, okay? I can't think!"

Haruhi was scratching her head furiously. I can tell that she's a lot more agitated than me, and that it seems like she does not want to do it herself. Wait; does she really want Koizumi to come back?

"…You mustn't question Suzumiya Haruhi's decisions. She may have been battling with herself more than we do inside our heads, but she knows she bears the highest responsibility. We must not let her feel the burden of Koizumi's life on her shoulders."

I looked at Haruhi once more. She has her brows furrowed in obvious futile frustration while scribbling on some paper Asahina-san had given her. Everything was quiet except for the scribbling sounds that Haruhi does on the paper and Nagato-san's constant attack on the cookies before my phone rang.

Someone was calling me; but I did not expect the caller to call me even once.

It was Tsuruya-san.

"Hello."

Faking a voice still thick with sleep, I managed to capture the other three people inside the room with me as of the moment. Signaling a 'quiet' sign to them, the three just gave me utterly confused looks before going back to what they were doing.

"Eh? Kyon-kun? I thought you were still awake! Have I awoken you from your slumber?"

"Ah, no. Not much. So, what makes you call?"

"Ah… It's about Shamisen.(1) He said he wants to talk to SOS Brigade this instant."

That instant the size of my eyes increased; how the hell would Shamisen end in Tsuruya-san's house? Anyway, why had he talked in front of her in the first place. In the end I can only express my surprise.

"SHAMISEN DID?"

The three jumped literally (well maybe not Nagato-san, but I think she glared at me for a while) when I suddenly shouted. I cannot escape the confusion from these three; they literally pulled the phone away from my hand. It was Haruhi who managed to talk with Tsuruya-san in the end. And only after short exchanges, Haruhi jumped off the bed together with the paper now crumpled on her hand.

"We're going to Tsuruya-san's house! Everyone get ready! Kyon get out!"

And just like that, I was shoved mercilessly out of the room.

…

"Oh~ Welcome! Fu~ I didn't expect you would be here this fast. Anyway, come in! I've had a breakfast getting ready for the four of you!"

Tsuruya-san was waiting for us on the steps to her large estate. She was wearing her usual miko-style dress, except for the bokken on her side.

We walked the familiar steps towards Tsuruya-san's bedroom, where we have shot a scene for "The Adventures of Asahina Mikuru" movie.(2) As I can remember, Koizumi was also in that scene…

"How nostalgic~! At that time you were shooting for a scene in my room, you were complete! But now, you're going to make the missing person come back, right?"

Huh, how did you know that?

"Huh, your cat told me Kyon. Shamisen knew of your plan! And as what he had told me _so far_, it seems like Shami knew something~"

Then the spotted cat Shamisen walked haughtily to the center like some attention-whore. Haruhi eyed him carefully, her eyes sparkling in delight. It's an obvious reaction, actually.

"Ah, Suzumiya Haruhi. You're the one who had caused me to speak. Your existence gave way for me to wake form my years of slumber."

Are you saying that she raised you from the dead? After hearing me, Shamisen turned to my direction and sat in front of me.

"How can you explain my existence then? Am I just a part of those supernatural phenomena like Nagato Yuki-san, Asahina Mikuru-san, Suzumiya Haruhi-san and, Koizumi Itsuki-san?"

…

"You don't need further explanation on this matter, since you have been exposed to this since a long time ago now. Your concept of reality that once never held talking cats, aliens, time travelers and espers now contains them. In a short while no one wouldn't even be surprised when humans suddenly gained the ability to fly."

"What are you implying?"

"New realities had been given to you everyday. Was it not enough to not believe every word that I will say? Or even listen to me first?"

I froze, and shut up while listening to crap.

"There had been an ancient art called alchemy. Know human transmutation? Actually, it was quite easy to do, **if** you have the right ingredients."

"And what would those ingredients be?"

And Shamisen talked of various kitchen supplies that we can use, ranging from water to salt to everything else. Are we going to cook Koizumi?

"And of course, you would need Koizumi's body, although it is not that needed as you're going to create an altogether new vessel for his soul. The only problem would be recovering his soul. But you can do that Suzumiya Haruhi as you are a god."

Wait Shamisen, was what you've just told us right now true?

"Well yes. How could I lie? Anyway, I like that Koizumi kid. It's great talking to him about philosophical topics."

We know that, you and Koizumi's weird philosophical talks. So, I turned to Haruhi that moment, when are we going to dig Koizumi out?

"Right now!"

Eh? Couldn't you just wait after breakfast?

"Do you want to keep Koizumi-kun at bay? If you were the one in need of rescuing, would you want to wait just because we are postponing our help for food? What kind of person are you?"

Without notice, a faint tapping sound came from the paper doors and a faint 'breakfast's served' is heard. Tsuruya-san immediately stood up from her place and opened the door. Immediately the smell of nicely cooked breakfast wafted in the room.

"Yahoo~ The food's in here!"

But Haruhi would not be deterred, even by the food she would surely love. Her determination to save even her most hated creature (could be) in the club shows that she'd do anything for their sake. This is really the rare times that Haruhi really acted like a brigade chief.

"Tsuruya-san, could we go first to Koizumi's grave? This is really important."

Haruhi then took out her trademark armband stating "Brigade Chief". Defiantly she held her hands on her hips and looked at all of us with determined eyes. What Tsuruya-san could only do was comply with Haruhi.

"If that's what everyone wants, then why not? Let's just get everything ready…"

…

Koizumi was buried in the place where we had excavated him. The rock which was used as the paper for which Koizumi's blood was used to draw the inscriptions acted as his tombstone. Etched on the tombstone was an epitaph Haruhi herself had written.

_Here lies a good friend_

_Whose smile lifts any sad mood away_

_But those times had ended_

_And partly now,_

_Nothing can ever be the same_

_His journey had been so short_

_He was not able to see_

_The end of the day_

_Reaching only up to the early morning sunshine_

_A life cut so short by other people's selfishness_

_In this exact place a treasure was hidden_

_And found out_

_But was neither useful nor saved_

_All was lost the time the heart_

_Stopped its rhythm_

_So now the life cut so short_

_Was in neither peace nor fulfillment_

_If ever you pass by this place_

_Pay heed to the sleeping prince_

_And never try to wake him from his only peace _(3)

"How ironic, for me to write this warning, only to break it myself."

Haruhi knelt down towards the grave, her hand brushing against the letters engraved on the gourd-shaped rock.

The five of us, including Tsuruya-san, had carried shovels with us. And if Shamisen's idea is right, then wouldn't it be all good? But if it's not, then what're going to lose? We have a god with us, so nothing would backfire badly.

"We will start digging right now! Kyon, remove the rock!"

Half of me knew that that was what's going to happen. Although it took me so long, I managed to get it off the place we're going to dig in.

"Since Kyon had kindly taken on the task of taking the rock away, Kyon will also initiate the digging! Now Kyon, start digging!"

Aren't I the only one who would work on this in the end?

…

After long, grueling and tiring hours for me digging the place—while the girls were happily eating their breakfast above—I got to Koizumi's casket.

"Hey. I've already reached the casket."

"Really? Then wait for us!"

Seconds later, the girls were sliding into the dirt towards me.

"So, go on and open it! What are you waiting for?"

What? So I'm going to do all the menial tasks until the end?

"Of course! That's only natural! You're the guy, aren't you?"

Whatever. So in the end I was the one who opened the lonely casket of Koizumi. But instead of a freshly buried dead body, what greeted us surprised the hell out of us…

Where is Koizumi?

What greeted us was a bare and empty casket.

How could that happen? We all saw him inside, flesh and solid and dead moments before he was buried in this spot. We could not bring ourselves to have him cremated, so we ended up burying him just how he was in death. He was also wearing the North High uniform.

"Hey! Where's Koizumi?"

"I don't know! You were all here while I was opening the damn casket right?"

"Then why is he **not** here?"

Haruhi continued shouting to my ear like crazy. I can only avert my head in a limited manner. In the end, my eardrum suffered tremendous shock.

While Haruhi and I continued our bickering, Nagato-san, Asahina-san and Tsuruya-san saw a paper inside the casket.

"Um,"

Asahina-san was the one who called for our attention. But Haruhi and I ignored her.

"Kyon-kun? Suzumiya-san?"

"What?" the both of us said at the same time. Asahina-san then stood stiff as if shocked by electricity. When it seems like she cannot tell us what she wants to say, Nagato-san handed us a paper. As always, the almighty god herself was the one that ended up with the paper.

After reading it, she just balled it up and threw it to me.

"That's nonsense! I don't want to believe in it!"

Suddenly growing a new curiosity because of Haruhi's reaction, I opened the paper. What it contains were the letter of the Agency/Organization to us SOS Brigade. I read it aloud.

_SOS Brigade, esp. Suzumiya Haruhi, it is a very sad event when we had to, ah, have Koizumi Itsuki die. But the question is: Did he really die? As far as I can remember, you have not cremated him, have you not? That is a very good decision you did, because Koizumi Itsuki_ is not dead_. We, or more specifically, _I _ordered for his oh-so-real _fake_ death. Have you seen him suffer? But we didn't really expect that he will cut his eyes like that. But we can still use him even though he's blind. Sight does not matter anyway for espers. It's the power that matter, that is why _you_, Suzumiya Haruhi, is what we need. So, how does an exchange sound? Koizumi Itsuki for, oh, _Suzumiya Haruhi's life_. And by the way, Tsuruya-dono might know where to find us. She's your ally, right? Oh, don't suspect her. She knows nothing of this. But she _does _know where you can find us. I'm very sorry that I have to cut this short but, we'll still meet. Sooner or later._

"They've got the nerve! Kidnapping Koizumi like that! I won't forgive them!"

The address is specified at the bottom of the letter, so we wasted no time and immediately set out to the headquarters of the Agency/Organization, with Tsuruya-san tagging along. When we arrived, we were greeted at the entrance by none other than Mori-san and Tanaka-san, which were not wearing their usual maid and butler ensemble.

"Good day Kyon-kun, and SOS Brigade. We were waiting for your arrival. Boss had been waiting for a long time."

We were escorted along the metal-paneled walls of the headquarters, with all of us ready for any action that might happen until we came to a big and mighty wooden door at the end of a seemingly infinite hall. As the door opened, we were greeted by a booming voice of a male in the shadows. The only thing we could see of him is his whiter-than-white teeth. Immediately Haruhi attacked the guy with questions, starting of with Koizumi's whereabouts.

"Where is Koizumi Itsuki?"

The guy in the shadows just smiled at us evilly, and with his low voice the room seemed to tremble.

"He's neither in Heaven nor in Hell. But he was in a place **worst **than Hell itself."

Where is he? I asked, pissed off by the fact that he seems pleased with seeing us all desperate to see Koizumi once again.

"Don't worry, he's still alive. But, he's being 'cleansed' by us."

What do you mean by that?

"Koizumi's esper powers are of use to us. He was one of the strongest espers in the Agency/Organization. We cannot afford to lose him so we have to, let us just say, _modify_ him."

"ARE YOU FOOLING US?"

Haruhi shouted in rage.

"Well, let us just say that this is indeed not a joke, and anytime I could order my minions to have Koizumi Itsuki killed. Would you want that?"

Fuck you and your 'let us just say' sentences. Stop giving us these vague sentences! If not for Koizumi's sake I would have already punched you without end!

"Where is he?"

Haruhi asked once more, her face contorting into anger.

The guy in the shadows then started to approach us. When the first light had reached him, we saw that he was a tall and dark man wearing glasses to hide his eyes. He then continued walking out of the room which caused us to follow him. After a lot of walking he stopped in front of a dark room.

"If you're talking about a certain Koizumi Itsuki, well, he is _right there_…"

He pointed to a dark room that was visible only because of the very big glass window mounted on the wall. The five of us, including Tsuruya-san, looked inside and grew shocked of what we saw.

Koizumi was tied to a metal chair with something like a helmet put onto his head, with speakers all around emitting noises that no human will ever create or duplicate.

At first the sound is the music of the meadows, sweet and smooth. Yet after some time the music starts to change into something sinister-sounding, like a radio getting a worse reception. Then Koizumi thrashed slightly, and flinching as if in pain.

"Koizumi Itsuki, how can you do that to your comrades? You swore your allegiance to us, isn't that right? Or are we wrong to trust you?"

Koizumi shook his head in disapproval. But the voices did not falter. Instead, it only grew louder.

"How can you do that, Koizumi Itsuki? Can't you hear our grieving cries?"

The deafening sound was then played on full blast. It is the sound of shrieking banshees. Koizumi thrashed like crazy on his bonds, his eyes a blank void still.

"N-no… S-stop… I w-won't… Anymore… S-so please-e…"

But the sound only grew louder.

"If you just didn't fail then many wouldn't have died! Don't you even think for the families that they have left? Have you got no heart?"

"I d-didn't… I d-didn't f-forgot…"

Then the sound turned into shouts of pain and wretchedness. Hearing it from a distance is already making me cover my ears. It's the sound of utter suffering.

"Koizumi Itsuki, how can you forget you're task? Suzumiya Haruhi's happiness is above all else… Yet you fell in love with the person she chose. You cannot choose anyone. You have property over no one. You are ours. You cannot defy us."

"I k-know… But I l-love him… I c-cannot change w-what I feel… I'm s-sorry… I'm a f-failure… S-stop…"

But it did not stop. And if ever it did stop, it would replay back to the very beginning and end up torturing Koizumi again and again.

"Stop! Can't you see how much it hurts Koizumi?"

Haruhi threw herself on the Agency/Organization guy. Haruhi was crying, and so was Asahina-san, who was already trembling on the arm of Tsuruya-san. Nagato-san quietly observed from afar, as if plotting something to get us all out of here. I stood by Haruhi, readying myself if ever I needed to shield the almighty god from the espers of the Agency/Organization.

"I won't let this stop… Can't you see how fun it was to see Koizumi Itsuki go through pain? Don't you feel angry at what he was saying now? Can't you hear how selfish he acts? Don't you know that he was only using you all to get what _he _wants?"

I couldn't take it anymore. **I'm not taking all of this shit anymore!** Fuck all of these stupid, selfish things!

Thwack! My punch went straight to the jaw of the Agency/Organization guy. The guy went staggering backwards, as if reeling from pain.

"You are so going to have all of **this **shit stopped or we'll get your place destroyed!"

No matter how desperate I sounded, I tried to blackmail them with empty words. Haruhi is obviously not going to do anything that will end up hurting anyone in the brigade. I know as much. But if I really have the power over Haruhi's feelings, unconsciously or not, I'm sure everything will eventually work out. The only problem is, how can we get Koizumi out from the dark room?

"I'll take Itsuki Koizumi out of the room. And if ever someone tries to touch even a single fiber on my uniform, you'll instantly get staked."

Nagato-san said in a very sinister way that the espers that have started to surround us have backed out. Seeing the chance, Nagato-san turned the knob and disappeared unto the darkness, her lithe body suddenly getting drowned into the blanket of darkness. Asahina-san held onto Tsuruya-san, while I pulled Haruhi to my side.

"This is not like you Haruhi. Do you even want to save Koizumi?"

Haruhi averted her eyes from me. She trembled ever so slightly, her voice shaking from sadness and masked anger.

"You know I want to Kyon, but I'm afraid to do a mistake. I hate mistakes Kyon! I don't want to lose anyone else anymore! I'm afraid to lose anyone… I don't… want anymore…"

Haruhi broke down, her tears soaking my shoulder.

Nagato-san came out with Koizumi in toll. Koizumi's face was streaked with tears. He looked strained, which made him look much older than before. I then turned back to Haruhi.

"Then do you trust me?"

At hearing me Haruhi pulled away and looked at me in the eyes for a moment before she nodded. I then held her hand tightly.

"Channel your wish unto me. I will be the one to make your wish come true. Channel your powers unto me, and everything will fall unto the right place."

Giving in her trust to me, I felt a surging power coming from the heat from our hands. Haruhi's thoughts flooded unto mine, and without much thinking, I let it all out, before it all blanked out.

…

"Ouch, where am I?"

I held my head as I woke up in a strange and bright place wherein everything seems so perfect. As I turned around to see if I had been missing anybody I saw Haruhi, Asahina-san, Tsuruya-san and Nagato-san all stirring up. Koizumi lay a few meters away from all of us, but he alone was the only one who doesn't seem to be waking up.

Immediately I went to his place and shook him. The four girls then started threading their way towards us. After about a frantic minute of shaking and shouting, Koizumi's eyelids fluttered slowly, until it opened completely and looked at us.

But it did not see us.

"Where am I?"

Koizumi asked in a strained voice, his eyes still searching for us, and his hands went grasping for us until he held unto my face.

"…!"

"You're back with us Koizumi. Aren't you happy?"

But instead of seeing Koizumi's usual smile, he turned his head away as I felt tears dripping from his eyes to my hand that was supporting his head. And no matter what I do, or what we do, Koizumi wouldn't reply to us…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bye bye Koizumi. I will replace you F.O.R.E.V.E.R."

Rip… Rip… Rip…

Inside my darkened room, I continuously tore every single picture of Koizumi I have with me. I despise him, with every single fibre of my body aching to kill him. I want him to die, I would rather kill him than let others do it. Once I had the chance I would certainly do it. Without fail. I would kill him. Relish the sounds that he would make while he was crying out in anguish. See him in torture, and lastly, in eternal suffering. I want him to be in pain even after he dies…

I WANT HIM TO DIE!

Rip! The pictures tore up fast under my excited fingers. Each picture tore right in the middle of his ugly face, his ugly personality, his ugly soul. I hated them all!

"The eyes must be carved OUT. The vocal chords must be ripped OUT. Cut him in half, tear him to pieces. Scatter him around town and let others see how ugly he really was. Die alone, Koizumi Itsuki!"

Rip! Rip! Rip!

Every single picture tore up beautifully, in proper proportions. I liked how it all turned up. Ripped apart, then scattered to pieces. Not let his soul attain eternal rest. I want him to wander this dismal world forever!

I would kill you when I had the time. Just you wait, Koizumi Itsuki…

…

"I won't fall in love with a faggot like you!"

Then Kyon stomped angrily out of the brigade clubroom, leaving the door ajar. I walked past to see if who was he talking to just earlier. Then I saw _him_. **Koizumi Itsuki**. His face is a combination of a tortured face and an inner emotional turmoil. Then his tears fell. What an ugly sight! Quickly I fumbled for my camera and went capturing away these precious moments. I did not care if he saw me or not. The matter is, did I capture it right?

I walked away happy that day, knowing that somehow, Koizumi Itsuki's life is in a turmoil.

After a week that I took those precious pictures, I walked once again in front of Suzumiya Haruhi's self-proclaimed SOS brigade headquarters. Upon listening intently I noticed two stranger's voices. I know for sure because it does not belong to any girls or boys in the brigade. And they were talking to a very familiar voice. The voice of Koizumi Itsuki.

"Suzumiya Haruhi's happiness is above all else."

A woman's voice had said inside the room. The door was slightly ajar.

Growing curious, I peeked by the small crack on the door's sides. Then I saw two people dressed in Western outfits of a maid and a butler. The girl-maid handed a vial to Koizumi Itsuki which he reluctantly drank. After just a few seconds of drinking I saw his face turn pallid, like all emotions had left him. Fumbling for my camera, I snapped away like crazy and ran for dear life. The two exited just after I ran for a cover. After I had seen them go down the stairs and walk far enough to hell-knows-where, I exited myself.

I waited by the school gates. There is really something fishy about all these happenings. What does the girl-maid mean about "Suzumiya Haruhi's happiness is above all else"?

I don't know, but this might turn out good for me. I'm getting goose bumps just by thinking how exciting the end will be!

Koizumi Itsuki exited the school a few minutes later. He had his hands on his pockets. His head hung low and his steps seemed to be numbered. Just what did the two made him drink?

To answer my questions I followed him like a stalker. I was obviously not caring if he has noticed me or not. I'll just follow him like I wanted to.

…We ended up in Kyon's house.

Due to the darkness of the night, the two hadn't noticed me at all as they carried their own conversation. I was just an onlooker at this time. Then I looked at my watch. 8 o'clock in the evening, and there were no stars.

Wait, just how long had I waited for him by the school gates? As I remember, it was still late afternoon when we were two blocks away from this place. That means it's only 5 or 6 o'clock. But then, why was the time like this? Is my watch broken?

I fumbled for my phone. 9 o'clock pm. Now this is weird. Time seems to be going on so fast that I haven't noticed a thing.

But then, I don't care. All I care about right now is seeing Koizumi Itsuki frustrated and suffering. That's the second on my list. The one that still tops my list is Koizumi Itsuki's death.

I came back from my senses when I heard the loud closing of a door. When I looked to see what happened, I saw Koizumi Itsuki already walking towards my direction. Quickly I moved out of the way, and he just passed by me as if I was merely air. I was a bit angry at that, at the same time also relieved that he hadn't noticed me a least bit. As usual, I continued on following him, intent on knowing every single thing up to the end.

I looked at my watch again just to be sure. 12 o'clock in the morning? How come? It just felt like minutes back there!

I cannot think of any reason behind this time conspiracy. It just means that: 1.) My watch is bonkers, 2.) My phone is also bonkers, 3.) I am blind, 4.) All of the aforementioned or 5.) None of the aforementioned.

Picking time! I'll pick number 5! My argument? 1.) My watch is in perfect shape, 2.) My phone is newly bought, and 3.) I can perfectly see, even through the dark. What then is the reason?

I don't care about that right now.

By the time that we finished walking we were already in a clearing at some private mountain. The only thing that is remarkable about this place is the contrasting color of a gourd-shaped rock against the stark-black background. Koizumi Itsuki dug through the earth at about six meters deep, and immediately after that he knelt in front of the rock and did something that shocked me—he cut his fingertips' skins and wrote symbols on the surface of the rock.

It made my heart thump in excitement. This is the first time I've seen Koizumi Itsuki hurt himself like this! And this is seriously making me happy. After he had done the deed, he picked the box knife (obviously he cut himself with a knife, as I can't imagine himself cutting his own skin with something else that is bothersome) and stabbed himself in the eye until he drew out some blood. My lips twitched in excitement, Koizumi Itsuki is broken! Slowly I neared his place where he sat immobile, which might be caused by the pain from his self-inflicted wounds.

He must have heard the rustling from under my feet as his head turned to my direction which made me stare at the bloody face of a Koizumi Itsuki. He was also crying, which made me pity him a bit. His face is clearly saying "Kill me. End my suffering. Now. Please." so in the end I acquiesced to his unsaid wish.

I pitied him a bit, through his bloody eyes and bloody face I can see his deep desire to end his cruel fate. And I'm a bit happy, I will be the one to send Koizumi Itsuki to the grave.

Slowly I fumbled for the rope just beside the gourd-shaped rock and harshly tied Koizumi Itsuki's hands and feet with it. He winced a little, which made me pull the rope tighter until I saw blood dripping from in-between the ropes. Seeing his face contort further in pain made my lips twitch in delight. I'm so delighted to have been partaking in such a wonderful death of a loathsome person. Using the handkerchief I stomped on and trampled just now I covered Koizumi Itsuki's eyes, hoping that if he ever got out alive (which I deeply doubt would ever happen) he would contract some kind of an infection and would die painfully due to it.

Thank heavens that Koizumi Itsuki had the initiative to dig for his own grave, because I am not the type of person that will do menial tasks just for another person, even though it concerns Koizumi Itsuki's death. So right now I'm on the verge of jumping up and down because of extreme happiness.

Koizumi Itsuki's shallow breathing was all that I can hear in this soundless place, his lying body forming an arc in the dark cresses of the earth. The blood from his eyes and hands and feet are beginning to pool at his place. His uniform had been bloodstained by his own blood. I took another picture of him in that state, and almost laughed loudly because of the deed if not for my self-control. I slowly placed him inside the sack and tied the opening tightly with the remaining rope. Then I threw him down the soft earth, wherein all I ever heard is a soft thud of an almost lifeless body falling against the soft skin of our earth. But as I shovel the dirt back to its original position, which in turn covered the nearly-dead Koizumi Itsuki, I was regretting that I had not cut him to pieces. Just thinking of the sounds the lacerations would make on his foul skin is already making my stomach lurch in pleasure! The death throes of Koizumi Itsuki must be worth gold, more especially when I've been able to record it all! Ohh, how I'm regretting everything now… If only I've got more time to dig him up again and start cutting him to pieces.

Well, I'm not sure if Kyon and the rest of the now-defunct SOS Brigade (because of the loathsome creature I've just buried, no less) are going to look for him. But they knew he was the one who caused them to disband. Wouldn't they feel angry just about the thought of him? Poor Koizumi Itsuki. He would die alone and would cease to exist even in the minds of those people important to him. If only you hadn't been dirty, foul, LOATHSOME! What about his family? Hmph, I don't think they still know he's alive until yesterday. He was too stupid to think only about Kyon. I guess they're not thinking about him right now. So that makes me the sole person thinking about him. That would mean I can still kill him from my mind. I can kill him again, which was the greatest pleasure Koizumi Itsuki had given me this second time around.

The sky is already lighting up, the first rays of daytime striking the morning sky with a beautiful yellow-orange glow. The only thing left to do is to put the gourd-shaped rock above the spot where I've buried Koizumi Itsuki. Now, Koizumi Itsuki, what are you feeling right now? Are you feeling horny by the thought of you slowly dying a sad, painful death with everyone you care for not even thinking about you? I'm the only one that thinks about you Koizumi Itsuki, and I am not even concerned about your life. I'm more concerned about your death…

"Ugh, this rock sure is heavy…"

I struggled under the weight of the rock. It didn't even budge. After a few minutes I gave up, knowing that this rock would only be removed much later. But I still have to do it! It's an obligation I set for myself! But still, it's really heavy…

"Do you want me to help you?"

A monotonous voice emanated behind me. As I turned to look I saw a petite and cute girl devoid of any emotion from her face. How could this thin girl be of any help? But thinking that I should be nice to her since she had offered something hard to resist, I smiled and told her to go carry the other side of the rock.

As soon as her hands touched the other side of the rock I hadn't had any problem carrying it at all. And only a few seconds after we are able to dump to supposedly-heavy stone on top of Koizumi Itsuki's grave.

"A girl helping was a real help! You don't know how heavy that stone was before you came! Anyway, what is your name?"

…

"Nagato Yuki."

"Ah, you're a member of the SOS Brigade right? So, are you going to tell on me to the rest?"

I used a very sarcastic tone on her. I can't blame her if she would tell on me. It's not like it matters. As a matter of fact I don't care what happens anymore. I've already killed Koizumi Itsuki, so what am I supposed to do now?

"With what you've done to Koizumi Itsuki is also my concern. But I cannot do anything against the IDSE's orders. Just getting angry at you is futile. Why don't you just escape for now?"

I stood up. What the hell is IDSE? I want to ask, but I've got no time. I STILL HAVE TO ESCAPE.

"Well, you're also an accomplice Yuki-san, since you've helped me out a bit. Aren't you afraid that everyone will also turn against you?"

Just looking at Nagato Yuki for a while I smugly smiled before I left her contemplating alone. And as the sky continued to brighten up the whole world, my pace quickens as if the end is starting…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Koizumi, what would you want?"

He wasn't answering.

We had managed to get him back from the dead. But it seems like he does not want it as he was doing his own type of rebellion. He hadn't spoken a single word ever since he came back, except for the sentence, "Where am I?"

We had managed to get him back from the dead, but he had lost his sight. We are still thinking of what we can do to remedy this.

"Koizumi, if you really love me, then please don't punish yourself like this. It's my wish that you live, it's true. So please, do this for me."

Koizumi's head turned to me, his blind eyes looking straight at my own. Then his hands slowly reached for my face and brought it closer to his. Softly he planted a kiss in my mouth and immediately withdrew. The first thing I saw after the kiss is Koizumi's blank stare.

"…That's all I want."

I looked at him in a dumbfounded manner, my right hand touching the lips which were just kissed earlier by Koizumi. Why was it still so strange even after all these time? Hadn't I wanted to be Koizumi's, for his sake? Why can't I still make myself love him?

"I'm sorry for thinking only about myself. I might have made you all suffer, right?" He hung is head once again in front of him, his voice sounding a bit sober by the second.

I shook my head in contradiction. But I remembered that he cannot see me, so I said loudly, "No."

"You're too kind, too kind that I'm falling deeper in love with you. But, you don't want that, right?"

He flashed me again his smile. But not the see-through fake smile. It was a genuine and altogether a lonely smile.

"This is the first time in many months that I've seen you smile once again."

Upon saying those words, I saw his face reddening, his hands then fumbling for his lips.

"R-Really? Should I not smile? Would you rather see me frowning?"

I hadn't said that.

"No, continue smiling. Haruhi might become happy too if she sees you like that."

"…Really."

Fumbling for the seat's handles, Koizumi slowly stood up. Upon noticing his act, I went to him and held him gingerly.

"Thanks. Can you help me get to where the girls are?"

Would you want that?

"Would I have asked if I didn't want that? Kyon, you're becoming dull."

He chuckled in his usual laugh which I seldom hear. With this act I sort of became relieved.

"We don't have all day, right? Should we get going?"

Huh? Oh right. Though slowly, Koizumi and I together with the brigade and all our other friends started walking towards a future that no one knows.

Is this the happy ending? The brigade complete and was only thinking about the entrance exams, with no Agency/Organization and other factions to make our heads throb with pain? How long will this happiness last?

…I think only Haruhi can answer that.

**To be continued…**

**Author's Note:** Yes! Already finished this chapter today! Wow, a whooping 6800+ words! Praise me! Praise me!

Anyway, there is a continuation wherein the real culprit will be revealed! I'm sorry if I've kept everyone hanging. And the answer if Kyon would love Koizumi back! I know it's not that evident, but Kyon was really thinking of falling in love with Koizumi after all that had happened. It's on the next chapter! I'm really sorry that there are still a lot of unanswered questions in this chapter. Well, I'm also working on another ItsuKyon story entitled "At Your Doorstep, I Continued Waiting" which was still in-progress because I don't know how I could end it. Anyway, I think that after the latter story, I'll be taking a break with all the ItsuKyon stories, though I cannot say for myself if I'm going to stop writing about them.

And the one that asked for my permission to write an ending for this story, I'm already anticipating for what you'll be making!

Oh, about the culprit, that person is an OC. Not Anyu or the unnamed guy, but someone completely different. You might not even get it why he/she/they/it did it at first. But I'll explain it in the next chapter itself. That chapter is especially for that OC and ItsuKyon's end. I know I'm getting hard to comprehend, it's 1 am and I have school later at 7 am, so I'm getting dizzy. I'm even supposed to make my assignment!

By the way, Koizumi's death was cardiac arrest. Do you remember what happened to the first chapter? He was made to drink a suspicious fluid that made his body movements subject to the Agency/Organization. It was them that made his heart suddenly stop beating. Well, in my A/N in the first chapter, I've said that it was Koizumi's own decision to die. I'm changing it now, okay? Hehee~ sorry…

Anyway:

(1) Shamisen is a spotted cat that first appeared in "Sighs of Suzumiya Haruhi", the second light novel. Shamisen is a wild cat that Haruhi Suzumiya randomly picked up, which gained the ability to speak after Haruhi wanted a talking cat on the movie. Shamisen mostly talks about philosophical matters, and owns a baritone voice.

(2) The movie was Episode 00 in the anime. The second light novel revolves around the movie itself.

(3) This is an epitaph I've written solely for this fan fiction. I seem to unconsciously have typed in a Heroic Couplet in the last stanza. Anyways, don't use for personal purposes. Write your own epitaph! Hehe…

Okay, just clearing up doubts. Asahina-san didn't come back to the future. The future and present became the "New World." Asahina-san (Big) was also in the New World apparently, but she does not show herself to Asahina-san (Small) because there is still some hope that future would come back to becoming the future. But it's really hard to explain right now as I was doing other stuff (Like acting as a college student and studying to get a 1.0 grade for my many scholarships. Damn all those scholarships, pressuring me.)

I really enjoyed writing the thoughts of the killer. It's already 2 am and I still am not sleeping.

_I think it's time! Lalalalala! The boys are waiting._

Okay~ I'm being weird once again. It's because of this boy version of that Milkshake-whatever song. I like how it was done because it's in rock version. Damn right! Uruha is HOT! (A friend of mine said that Uruha looks like a girl, so he was shocked when I told him that Uruha is a GUY.) Ruki is the PERVERT. Kai is the CUTEST. Aoi looks a bit like a WOMAN. Reita is always HARRASSED by the pervy Ruki. Poor Reita.

*shouts to an imaginary Ruki* Continue touching him to your satisfaction! *giggles like crazy* It's yaoi guys, YAOI…

Wow, this A/N is simply TOO LONG. So I'll stop here. Sorry I really like to speak! It's because it's fun!

Okay, weidersehen~!

Anyway, I'll post a link to a manga version of this fan fiction. I did one because I wanted to see Koizumi's death in solid form and not just in my imaginations. You'll be able to see it as soon as I post it on my deviantart account. That's all :D

But WAIT again!

Another question for you guys. Do you ever assume that someone likes you? Well, you base your judgments on how they act towards you; their body movements, etc. Or do you simply wait for them to tell you themselves? What do you do? (*this depends on your gender, or if you prefer not to depend on your gender, then it's up to you. meaning hetero or homo :D)


	4. Letterless Envelope

There is a slight story of the OC in here, which is the first part in disguise. I know that this doesn't count as a fan fiction for most of the readers but still the life of the OC is nevertheless vital to the main story's plotline. I will now also discharge who this OC really was and whatever that needs to be answered. Oh, I had changed a lot on these pre-story notes, so please don't be surprised. A scene of Koizumi and the brigade will also appear, which is also the conclusion of the story. But there is an alternate ending soon to come because the ending of this chapter is er, not that good? Well, just read and understand/comprehend.

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Suzumiya Haruhi series. It belongs to none other than Tanigawa Nagaru-sensei! But this story [fan fiction] is mine. And also some of the characters.

**Warning/s: **I have just read about the serial killings so right now my mind is morbid (talking about Jeffrey Dahmer and Dennis Nilsen, and then the novel _Exquisite Corpse_, which was lovely written by none other than Poppy Z. Brite) and this **might** get bloody. Or not? Anyway, school is giving me the burden in my shoulders, so like Atlas I bear the whole world in the form of papers that are supposed to be passed! Whatever. Just read.

**Characters:** OC, SOS Brigade

* * *

><p><strong>Letterless Envelope<strong>

I was a fugitive.

Tired as if I was running for my whole life, I finally stopped at an unknown street.

The brigade will surely know who I really was, because Nagato Yuki will tell them. And now I was a fugitive. After a while _they_ might even come here on this alternate reality! My nightmares would come true once again!

No, calm yourself, Ohtsuki, you have just killed him. Yes, you have already killed the biggest obstacle in your life and you can now replace him in his gaping-hole position left in the brigade. Not anymore would you be a pushover. You wouldn't be subject anymore to the taunts of anybody else, especially the rundown president of _that_ brigade. At the very least the brigade _here_ was much better. In here you will be regarded with high recognition. No one will trample on your good will. In here you wouldn't be chased to a corner where the only escape that you can have is to become twisted yourself. They twisted you so much. It's time to unwind. _They _wouldn't be able to follow you here. The "reality warp" closed as soon as you entered it, so much for your luck. You're lucky, Ohtsuki, that you managed to come here alive and a bit unscathed.

And if you walked into their lives, they would think that you're that loathsome Koizumi Itsuki! Although you have to get used to that name for a while, I think it will end up on a happy note. If only it was Koizumi Itsuki in your shoes and you in his!

So now Ohtsuki, think. What would happen if you were already a part of their group? They would at first grow awkward. Of course, Koizumi Itsuki is supposed to be buried right now in that makeshift grave at the private mountain. But that's not the point! They don't know that Koizumi Itsuki is actually buried in that place. And if ever they get to know that fact, Koizumi Itsuki might already be a rotting corpse! So who would care anyway? After all, _you_ were made as his replacement.

"But I can never be a part of their group. They will still consider that loathsome Koizumi Itsuki as their member, and not me. The one they will see is not me, but Koizumi Itsuki. Why is it always like this? He is already dead, but he will still continue to haunt my life and make me suffer! I'll forever hate him!"

And so? Who cares? As long as the two of us are secure and happy, then who would care about the existence of that loathsome Koizumi Itsuki? Don't you want to be happy too?

"But then, what about Koizumi Itsuki's parents? Where are they? What if they recognize me as not their son?"

Just calm yourself for now Ohtsuki. What you need is rest, and later you will be able to attain your dream!

…**..**

I had such a nice rest! Whistling happily as I walked the almost ninety-degree hill was no task for me. I'm really happy!

I did not attend class. What was important was the brigade. And luckily, I would be welcomed with open arms.

Ecstatically I walked up the stairs towards the Literature clubroom and immediately opened the door in excitement.

But instead of the SOS Brigade greeting me, I only saw Nagato Yuki on the corner of the room, reading a hardbound book that might make you lose you memories once it made contact with your head, in a hard way. Whatever.

"Huh? Just you? Where're the others?"

"…."

Nagato Yuki continued on reading the book as if she had not heard me. Getting slightly irritated by being rebuked by such an unimportant person like her made my blood boil slowly.

"Look, I have no time in the world to be waiting for your answer. I just need to know where the others are. How can you be so uncooperative?"

The book was then closed with a loud snap that it seems to suck the sounds from the room itself. With that grand attention getter, Nagato Yuki turned to me, her eyes showing a bit of irritation.

"Don't treat me so casually as if we're friends. Suzumiya Haruhi already knew that Koizumi Itsuki is dead, so you have no reason at all to be here anymore. Why don't you just go back to your 'real' world? I'm sure the Suzumiya Haruhi there is looking for you already. Or do you want me to open up a portal for you?" (1)

How did she knew so fast—

"Koizumi Itsuki himself had told Kyon beforehand about his plan to have the SOS Brigade re-form. (2) If you still like to know where they are, then they're at the hospital, waiting futilely for Koizumi Itsuki to wake up. I'm sure he wouldn't. If that's all that you've gone here for, then you could go your way now, and please don't bother me again while I'm reading."

…**..**

I closed the door loudly, stomping angrily on the floorboards while going down until it creaked. Nagato Yuki had the nerve! It makes me want to punch a girl!

Anyway, I made my way to the hospital where I looked for the whereabouts of the SOS Brigade. Until I came in front of the morgue, where a big Asahina Mikuru is standing by the entrance, brushing away stray tears that falls from her eyes. At my sight she immediately approached me, her heels making a faint tapping sound.

"What do you want? Are you going to hate me for killing Koizumi Itsuki?"

She then smiled, and took my hand gently.

"Ohtsuki-kun, I would like to talk to you in another place. Can you come with me?"

…**..**

I had just used my stray change for two cans of soda. Giving one to the future Asahina Mikuru, I fell down on my seat with a flop.

"So, what do you need to talk to me about?"

"…To tell the truth, this was supposed to be classified information, but according to my superiors I had to talk to you about this matter without restrictions."

Asahina Mikuru then drank a bit from the can, and breathed deeply, before,

"Tomorrow, you are to die."

Huh? The can of soda almost fell from my hands.

"What are you saying? How can I die?"

"How did you get here in the first place? And since when?"

"I got here on this place because of a reality warp that appeared in the clubroom one day. I think that was by the time Koizumi Itsuki developed feelings from Kyon, so I would be staying here already for about three months."

Asahina Mikuru continued to peer at my unyielding eyes.

"Then, I think you can answer this question of mine. Do you have any idea as to your origin?"

My origin? All I know is that I've been here since I've been born, but…

"The concept of _being born_ is not universal. It may mean that you were born as a baby, or as when you are now."

"Wait, are you saying that I am the fake one? How could you! I'm the real one! Koizumi Itsuki's the fake one!"

"And what is your proof?"

I had none.

"Koizumi Itsuki had always talked it out with Kyon on times he wanted to talk about topics that baffles even him, topics that I don't wish anyone to believe in. According to Koizumi Itsuki's view, we as human beings can or cannot have existed as our memory had provided us. Given that prior to the three years ago incident, we time travelers cannot go way beyond that time anymore. We had done so in the past, but ever since Suzumiya-san had created a Temporal Plane Disturbance we had not gone from that time ever since. Koizumi-kun had even told Kyon that the world might even have just been created three years ago. That was what he believes in. I believe in another view, but nevertheless what he believes in is what best explains your condition right now. Koizumi-kun is your existence. Without him, you cease to exist. Simple deductive logic, right?"

"…."

"I'm really sorry! The higher-ups had just told me to relay that message to you so that you won't get surprised by your sudden disappearance or whatever. Anyway, I have to go. You should go too, the SOS Brigade are going to be in your seat in ten minutes."

And in a matter of seconds, Asahina Mikuru from the future disappeared.

…Will I really disappear too?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Koizumi, would you like milk on your tea?"

We, the SOS Brigade, are at a summer house styled in an ancient Japanese style. To fit in the place, Haruhi suggested that we wear kimono. The house is big, big for the six of us, really. I still haven't seen my parents and little sister. Even Shamisen! Heck, they still might be in the unaltered world, waiting for me to come back.

"K-Kyon-kun? Your t-tea..."

"…Ah, thank you."

Upon hearing my thanks, the only one not in a kimono but rather maid-clad Asahina-san scampered away while blushing furiously. Somehow her costumes are transported in this altered world. Wait, so does this mean that this altered world is a big SOS Brigade headquarters? No way!

"Huh? Kyon, what happened?"

Koizumi spoke softly towards me. He was just on the other side of the table, slowly sipping the tea Asahina-san had served him. The girls are on the other room, somehow trying on different costumes for tonight. If I'm not mistaken, Haruhi suggested that we do _Tsukimi _(3) tonight for no reason at all.

"Eh? Um, nothing. Sorry to bother you."

Koizumi smiled before he resumed drinking his tea.

My everyday life is now like this. Drinking tea that Asahina-san brewed together with Koizumi on **my** free times, being thrown from one event to another by none other than Haruhi, spending time with Koizumi on** his** free times, watch the comedy act of Haruhi and Tsuruya-san with the rest of SOS Brigade, ask Nagato-san some questions about the altered world, and some other stuff that always seem to contain the brigade members one way or another.

Especially Koizumi Itsuki.

And due to this I think I am starting to love Koizumi. No day had passed since I had not been by Koizumi's side.

And Koizumi seems to notice it too, but his disposition towards me does not change. After all, the both of us are already "partners" right now, right? Or am I just assuming on this too?

I hope Koizumi does not mind.

"Kyon, is there something wrong? You seem out of it."

Hearing Koizumi inquire once again on my situation I almost jumped which shook the table quite violently. Koizumi held on to his cup when he felt the shaking. As I noticed, there had been slight spills on Koizumi's kimono.

"Ah, Koizumi! I'm sorry! Wait, I'll get some towel to wipe the spilled tea from your kimono. I'm really sorry."

And starting that day that I realized that I was loving Koizumi, I started distancing myself from him. But it took only a short time for Koizumi to notice my seemingly changing attitude towards him, so he confronted me about it once and for all.

"Kyon, why are you avoiding me? Had I done anything wrong?"

Aah… Don't come near when I haven't sorted out my feelings for you yet!

"No, you did nothing wrong."

"Then is there a reason why you are avoiding me?"

"…I l-love you! That's why!"

"…!"

Koizumi seemed taken aback by what I've just said as he seemed to avoid my gaze when he dropped his head low and let me blush freely.

"Um, Koizumi, I'm sorry for saying that so suddenly but—"

"…If you really love me, then call me, by my name."

H-Huh? But I **am** calling you by your name. What else would you want?

"No, you're calling me by my family name. If you really love me, then you will call me as I call you by your real name too."

"I-Itsuki… Is that okay?"

Koizumi, no, Itsuki, smiled at the instant I said his name, his smile more brighter than ever.

"Isn't that a lot better?"

And he mouthed my real name which made me blush up to the tips of my ears.

"…Come here."

The instant I went near to him, I was pulled into a deep kiss…

…**..**

Today was the start of spring. The cherry blossoms would be in full bloom today. Of course, Haruhi wouldn't let the idea about a _Hanami_ not pass her train of thoughts. But I wouldn't let myself get overtaken by her, so I went to Itsuki immediately, who was supposed to be my "partner," a word a lot better to hear than "boyfriend."

"Itsuki, let us go to the park!"

I was panting. Itsuki was in the patio of the tea ceremony room, wearing a mature kimono that I had picked for him especially for that day. His hair was slightly blown by the light, morning breeze.

"To breathe some fresh air?"

He looked at me with eyes that are devoid of sight.

"Um, maybe you could say that."

I almost forgot that Itsuki cannot see anymore.

Supporting him throughout the path towards the park where cherry blossoms are on full bloom, I lead him under the biggest tree I found where I had readied food earlier the morning. Haruhi and the other girls are all playing Daruma-san (4) like kids.

"Kyon, what are Suzumiya-san and the other girls doing?"

"They're playing Daruma-san. I can't help but think that they seem to be childish at this, playing games at this age."

"But we're still young, right? So I think there is nothing wrong with playing like kids once in a while."

"Well, I guess you're right…"

There was an awkward silence that hung on the air in front of us after those last words. Afraid of the silence to stretch forever, I then started talking to Itsuki about various things, like his philosophies, his arguments, etc.

And with each question he'd only answer with a little snicker before giving a one-line answer, which leaves me a lot more confused than earlier.

After the girls finished playing, we then started eating the picnic while the cherry blossom petals continuously flow with the wind.

If Itsuki can only see this, I wonder if he will be happy?

In the whole duration of the picnic onwards, that thought occupied my mind…

…**..**

After the Hanami, I immediately sought out Nagato-san, as know she is the only person capable of fulfilling this wish of mine. In no time I tracked down Nagato-san inside the mini-library of the house.

"Nagato-san, is there any way to bring back Itsuki's sight?"

"…."

She then closed the book on her lap and turned fully towards me.

"There is, but I doubt you would like the after-effects."

Why? Will his sight never come back? Is that what you're trying to say?

"Koizumi Itsuki's sight can be regained. But since it was Koizumi Itsuki's free will that he be blind, there is a corresponding exchange for his sight."

"And that would be—"

Then I saw Nagato peer at my eyes like my end had already come.

A train of thought came up on my mind. My eyes dilated for a second at thinking about such a preposterous thing.

"Impossible. Why?"

"You alone are the only one that is closest to him at this moment. I doubt you will see this to the end without having been changed. You can be stripped of the sense of sight yourself, or sense of hearing. The worse thing that can ever happen is for you to forget your emotions for Koizumi Itsuki."

Just when I am starting to love him too!

"If you would really want his sight to come back, then you must accept the consequences, or I myself wouldn't be able to do the task."

…Well, if it was for him then…

"Okay, Nagato-san, please make Itsuki see again! I don't care what the consequences may be, but it's better if he regains his sight once more!"

"Understood."

Then there was Nagato-san's incantations, then the room started to be enveloped in pure white light, until it turned all black.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Huh? When did I slept on the floor?

Rubbing my eyes I opened them and looked around. It was bright, and it looks like I'm on some historical Japanese setting, much like Tsuruya-san's house which we used for the shooting of the movie—

Wait, I can see?

Slowly I stood up and tried counting my fingers in front of my face. I can really see! Immediately I then looked for Kyon, which I found together with Suzumiya-san and the others.

"Koizumi-kun, what are you doing? That's dangerous!"

"Suzumiya-san, it's okay, I can see already."

"Ah! Is it true? How happy! This calls for a celebration!"

Disregarding Suzumiya-san for a while, I went to Kyon's side and hugged him. But instead of the usual hugging back, I was roughly pushed away. Shocked, I can only look incredulously at Kyon who looks at me as angry as he can ever be. Reaching out I tried to touch him once more but,

"Kyon, what happened to you—"

"Take of your hands from me you faggot! Just go away and die!"

Kyon slapped my hand away.

"Kyon! What's happening to you?"

Suzumiya-san went immediately to my side after being brushed away harshly by the person I thought loved me.

"Why is a faggot like _him_ here? I don't want him here! Make him disappear!"

…**..**

I was then taken away from Kyon, who obviously hates me once again. Asahina-san served me tea to calm me, but it obviously didn't.

"Nagato-san, what happened to Kyon?"

Suzumiya-san and Tsuruya-san are on the other room talking to Kyon. For now they are the only ones capable of talking it out with Kyon when he was this distraught and angry.

"Kyon had wished for your sight to come back, which he in turn lost his memory of the past events in the process. Kyon has his memory only up to the time when he dumped you, many months ago."

Is that so? So it only means that, he did all of these for me. For my sake and not for his…

"But he wants you to disappear from his sight. What are you going to do?"

"If it was Kyon's wish, then I had nothing to do but to acquiesce."

That night I packed my bags, which I had no trouble of doing. At the dead of the night I left the summer house where the SOS Brigade had been staying since Suzumiya-san had altered the world. With one last, fleeting glance at the house, I saw a person at the window with arms crossed.

…Kyon? No, this person is small… Ah! Nagato-san.

_I've been caught._ But I know that Nagato-san knew my reasons for this, so she wouldn't go off and wake all of the members form their slumber. I slowly backed away, still looking up at Nagato-san until the house itself had looked small from my view before I ran, my feet pounding on the pavement in sharp, loud bursts. The air was slightly flooded with the falling cherry blossom petals. Today is the day that they would be falling from the branches. How pitiful.

So, where would I go now? Ride the train? Luckily, in this altered world Suzumiya-san had made the train stations accessible from day to night. I bought the ticket to Aomori, and once inside my compartment I arranged my bag and flopped down on the comfy seat.

In this altered world, where could I even hide from Suzumiya-san?

As the snack lady passed down the corridor where my compartment was, my tears suddenly fell from my eyes. These eyes are the reason why Kyon does not love me anymore. Or does he even love me in the first place? The tears fell continuously, I cannot help but just wipe them with my trembling hands. Slowly I gripped the handle of the bread knife in the counter of my compartment, the frustration going to my head.

If only not for Kyon, I would have stabbed these eyes once more until it bleed. But I cannot when it was because of Kyon that I was able to see again… At the expense of Kyon's memory…

I cannot help but feel revulsion towards these eyes of mine which will never be able to see Kyon's face ever again…

**END**

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Don't kill me for this sad ending! This is where the flow of the story ended! I'm sorry! Anyway, as I had told SakuraDrops141 on a pm, I had an alternate ending being readied. But to tell the truth, this is officially the end of this story… *hides somewhere I had no intention of telling you guys* So until I post the alternate ending, I would hide in this "hiding place!" Thou canst not know where I would be!

Don't worry, the alternate ending would come! It's just not coming now… Anyway, this story had a theme song! (Yes! Though I hold no copyright over that song. And these theme songs also apply for my other TMoSH stories as well.) Collectively my stories about ItsuKyon will eventually be compiled, I don't think? But isn't it a lot easier to do that? I'll be doing a doujin using my stories as plot, so I'll end up compiling them, I think? I wish to sell them too! Anyway, I'll be doing them by the time semester break starts, so I will eventually finish before my birthday/first day of second sem. Please support me! I'm a starting doujin artist… Anyway, what does it have to do with my story?

The opening songs would be "Psychopath" by Luka Megurine and "Taiyou to Tsuki no Rondo" of Luka Megurine and Miku Hatsune. The ending songs would be "Music Box of Time" by Luka Megurine and "Prayer" by Hizaki of the Visual Kei band _Versailles Philharmonic Quintet_. Just listen to it! Yes, I'm promoting it! But I get nothing from doing so.

Anyway:

1. Ohtsuki came from an alternate universe, where he was bullied by the members of the alternate SOS Brigade.

2. Read chapter 1.

3. Tsukimi is mostly done on a Summer night. It is "Moon Viewing".

4. Daruma-san is a game. I don't know how to describe it, but you may have played it when you are younger anyway, so… Hehee…?

About the vague ending of this chapter, please refer to the alternate ending as I've provided an ending on this too. I cannot end in Koizumi wallowing in sadness on a midnight train.

But this is seriously the end! I'm just doing some alternate ending in the next and some clarifications… Isn't it better this way? Haha, having them not end up together is the worse yet the best plot ever for a story to revolve in! Sorry, I'm such a sadist… And masochist too?

Anyway, please wait for the alternate ending! I'll surely finish it sometime this month or next month!

"Your life collided with mine, and you simply failed to survive the wreckage."

-Andrew Compton. _Exquisite Corpse_.

Thanks for reading "Throes of the Unrequited"!


	5. Pretend that the Prayer is Real

This is the alternate ending and the story of the OC! I had worked on this just last night. I was practically with no sleep once more.

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Suzumiya Haruhi series. It belongs to none other than Tanigawa Nagaru-sensei! But this story [fan fiction] is mine. And also some of the characters.

**Warning/s: **Profanities, cursing, male on male, blah blah blah…

**Characters:** OCs, SOS Brigade

The parts are as following: continuation of Letterless Envelope, OC's story, and the alternate ending. The parts are separated by the obvious concluding word "End" while the POVs are separated by **XXXXXXXX.**

**Pretend that the Prayer is Real**

"_S`io credesse che mia risposta fosse_

_A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,_

_Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse._

_Ma perciocchè giammai di questo fondo_

_Non tornò vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,_

_Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo.__" _(1)

I spoke to myself as I was carrying a big crate of apples, which was my job to do so.

"Izumi-kun, you can put the crate beside the other crates; then you can go home, okay?"

Wiping the sweat that is continuously flowing from my face, I shouted in reply before I carefully placed the crate to the ground.

It has been three months since I arrived here in Aomori, and I ended up in a small town in Aomori itself. I was steadily coming in terms with the other residents in this small town I arrived in. Right now I am living in a small house with a kind old woman whose only companion was her always busy grandson and granddaughter. I have seen these two, but they are always busy on their studies and work, so I rarely do see them.

They were younger than me; both were in their middle school. In this alternate world Suzumiya-san still considered going to school an important factor. Or was it that she only made the Agency/Organization disappear?

Without noticing, someone had already been pulling my arm without me noticing.

As I looked down I saw one of the old lady's grandchild—the girl, from the looks of it. I am always fetched from work by either one of the twins, yesterday it was the boy. Smiling the way I was taught to smile, I let myself be dragged home.

"Hikaru-kun, you've arrived just in time. I had just finished frying fish for dinner."

Smiling sweetly to the kind old lady, I took off my work shoes and went straight to bath.

I have changed my name upon arriving here. I had no identification cards with me, and even if I do have some with me, I would have reluctantly thrown them out into the window of my train compartment hoping that I will come up missing and nowhere to be found.

After taking a bath I noticed the already arranged dinner in the table. The twins had been waiting eagerly for me and the old lady to sit before they could eat the food. I learned recently that the twin's parents had died earlier because of their kids. I cringed at the information; my parents died the same way as theirs.

I felt so pathetic, thinking of my past which would never come back.

After dinner I would always look at the twin's homework and help them if I need to. But sometimes I don't need to help; they were exceptional. Or was it that this alternate world had created espers like me?

"Hikaru-nii, would you go with us tomorrow to school?"

The boy, named Shiroi, asked me with pleading eyes. The girl, named Kuroi, followed suit. The next thing I knew I was slowly telling them I would. Who could refuse when they were leading like that?

"But why would I need to come to your school?"

"Because our classmates wanted to see you since you seem to have a different aura than us, and some of the girls seem infatuated to you."

"Good God, they're too young for me. But I can go, since it was you two who asked me to."

That night I regretted what I had just said. What if someone recognizes me? What if Suzumiya-san ad the _others_ come and see me there? Should I just act like I don't know them?

…**.**

"Here we are, Hikaru-nii."

Shiroi said while dragging me together with his sister towards the entrance of their school. Looking closely I saw the resemblance of their school to North High, along with its buildings for the class and for the clubs.

Shiroi and Kuroi had me come with them to their principal office, just to inform me of my coming to their school. The principal seemed to not mind and let me go with them to their class. Inside their classroom, I hear the silent squeals of girls from various directions; the twins don't seem to mind as I was squeezed between their seats.

It was like I was in school once again, except that this _is_ Middle school and not High school.

At the end of class I was immediately overwhelmed by the big number of girls that started crowding around me. They all started squealing like I'm some actor or something. The twins vainly tried to keep them from a distance as possible; which they eventually succeeded when the principal came to view.

"Izumi-kun, I need to talk to you. You twins, come with us."

Looking perplexed about the situation, I only followed the principal while the twins walked with trudging footsteps. The sighs of the girls in the classroom we've just left can be heard throughout the floor.

"Izumi-kun, someone told me that she knows you and would want to talk to you and also to these two persons that you are living with. Is it okay with you?"

Smiling on the outside, I told him it is okay. But deep inside, I felt dread coming. What if it is Suzumiya-san?

Upon opening the door, I was met with a hug. When the other person pulled away, I saw it was _really_ Suzumiya-san, together with the _others_ in tow. Smiling in a way I smiled at them back in my brigade days, I asked them innocently if they knew me. Suzumiya-san's eyes grew wide as if she couldn't believe my words. I was slowly crumbling inside.

"But aren't you Koizumi-kun? You are, right? We've searched for you for months already!"

"I'm sorry, but I would say that this is the very first time that we've met. And **my** name is Izumi Hikaru-kun. Please don't mistake me for another person you know."

The twins stayed by my side, as if protecting me. Slowly I felt myself chipping away at the sight of the _other_ persons together with Suzumiya-san, but I cannot come back with them knowing I was hated.

"Liar." The _other_ person scoffed at my answer. I looked at him with slight irritation before I looked back to Suzumiya-san.

"Anyway, may I know your name? I think it is quite rude talking to me without me knowing who you guys are. As I have said earlier, I am Izumi Hikaru, nineteen years old. I live with these twins together with their grandmother at the end of town. I work in a fruit market stall. And you are?"

After saying all of these, I saw Suzumiya-san tremble before saying her name out loud.

"I am Suzumiya Haruhi, seventeen. I am interested in aliens, time travelers, sliders, and," she looked at me as if expecting for a response wherein I merely smiled before she continued saying "espers."

"Nagato Yuki, a thousand plus years old. Alien."

"A-Asahina Mi-Mikuru, classified information. Time t-traveler."

"Tsuruya-nyan, eighteen~! Human~!"

"…Kyon, seventeen. I'm human, whatever."

Hearing them like this, I laughed openly. With this Suzumiya-san and the _others_ only looked at me as if I should not be doing that.

"I seem to have lost my composure just now so please forgive me for my rudeness." Sarcastically I commented on their words, which if I really _wasn't _Koizumi, I would find their words absurd. "I am just shocked to hear these words from all of you. So all of you are composed of an alien, time traveler, and three humans? It seems like you are only missing of two persons, which were a slider and an esper, am I correct?"

"No. We weren't missing any category. We didn't have a slider in the first place."

Kyon was the one who said it this time, clearly angry by my revelation to them. Looking at me with irritated eyes, my stomach churned which made me twinge a bit, a reaction as if alerting me that my façade would wear off.

"So, are you saying that you have an esper? Where was that person if you really have one? Anyway, what is an esper anyway? I have heard of aliens, time travelers, and sliders, but never of espers. Do they exist anyway?"

Kyon only snorted in irritation as he heard me finish my sentence. "I expected a lot from you Koizumi. I never thought you were that stupid."

From his eyes it seems as though he wouldn't believe a word that I was saying. And from the looks of it, they were keeping me until my façade slip up. So if I don't end this now, I will be caught. So I thought of an idea that will shut them up.

"It seems like you are all still mistaking me for another person. I never would have thought of saying this now but, **you fucking people just stop mistaking me for someone else**! You're all fucked up; why do you keep on insisting that I'm that Koizumi guy? I **am** Izumi Hikaru, for the third time! And if you dimwits don't still get it, then I'll repeat it again. **I am Izumi Hikaru**, and that will never change. Come now Shiroi, Kuroi, we're going home. It's getting late."

Without any last look at Suzumiya-san and the _others_, I and the twins walked away towards the house I was staying in. It seems like I needed to move again, but where? Is there any place that is outside Suzumiya-san's reach?

That night I grew restless and cannot sleep. Tomorrow I have work, and if I don't work I won't get any money for the family I'm staying with. So I have to sleep for tomorrow.

…**.**

"Hikaru-nii, wake up. You still have work, right?"

Shiroi was shaking me, which slowly woke me up. Slowly I stood up and went straight to the bathroom. I was always like this in the mornings, especially now that Suzumiya-san and the _others_ are here. Or have they left already?

I got to work earlier than usual. The fruit stall owner, upon seeing me, quickly went to my direction and told me that I was awfully early for work. She then told me that she'd just give me extra pay for my coming early.

I cannot thank her enough.

Everyone on this town is nice to me, although for them I am nothing but a complete stranger. But now that Suzumiya-san and the _others_ are in here, what would happen to the niceness they showed me before?

After finishing work, which for this day only lasted up to lunch, I went home and started helping out on the chores. I washed the clothes, cleaned the tatamis, cooked some food and cleaned the rooms. What I did was not much, but it helped a lot.

At the afternoon the twins came home from school. I was expecting that I have to greet them normally, but as I went to the door to welcome them, I got the shock of my life.

"Um, hello there. What makes you come here? Do you need Matsu-san?"

Matsu-san was the kind old lady that took me in three months ago. But the people from town didn't answer. Instead, they grabbed me and started pulling me outside, which made me wince in pain and in surprise.

"You're scum! How could you stay here? Leave this place! We never thought that you're like that!"

Looking at them with a puzzled expression, I went in to ask what was wrong.

"What did I do—"

"Don't ever try to fool us. Your real name is Koizumi Itsuki, right? You're the person that made our loved ones die!"

Loved ones? As I remember I didn't kill anyone. But if it's about that, then all that I can remember are the espers from the Agency/Organization that died by the time Suzumiya-san's powers got berserk. Wait…

"You don't mean…"

"Yes, we're all espers! And all of our loved ones hadn't even come back even after Suzumiya Haruhi altered the world. Haven't you died already? Why did you come back and not them?"

I was about to retort something like a defense for me, but the sound of a choked sob from behind me made me look in that direction. Upon looking, I saw that it was the twins, looking accusingly at me.

"Hikaru-nii, is everything they said true? Are you really _that _Koizumi Itsuki?"

Knowing that my true self are already revealed, I found no reason not to tell them the truth.

"Y-Yes, I am Koizumi Itsuki."

Then I felt something tear at my skin that moment. Looking at the place where I felt the pain, I saw a broken mirror fragment sticking from my skin. Pulling it out with a bit difficulty, I turned once again to the twins, where I was met with intense anger.

"We hate you! Our parents died because of you! It will be better if you just died in their place! Leave! We don't want to see you again!"

With these last words, I felt hated once again. No one really wanted me.

_So I ran away._

But after ending running, I ended up on a cliff. A cliff with a lovely view of the ocean. The sun is slowly setting down. I remembered, I died just as the sun rose from the horizon. This time I'll die on the exact opposite time of the day.

"Huh, I didn't expect you will be here."

Hearing the altogether familiar yet painful voice, I turned and met face-to-face with Kyon, who wore a surly expression on his face. I smiled; I had been caught already, so what's the big deal of hiding my identity?

"Ah, Kyon, you have not changed much."

"Just as I thought. You really are Koizumi, right?"

"Yes, Kyon. I'm the one and only Koizumi. The only Koizumi that will love you like—"

"Koizumi, you know I don't like you! So don't ever try to make myself clear that I hate you!"

Silence dropped between us like a bomb. Stunned, I just looked at Kyon while my tears threatened to fall from my tired eyes.

_These eyes are despicable, I want to tear them off my skull._

"K-Kyon, I'm sorry. I won't love you anymore, so please don't be angry at me, 'kay? I'll disappear just as you want to, so please, look away."

_Sovegna vos a temps de ma dolor._ (2)

Kyon looked away. And just as he did, I step backwards, which made me fall headfirst unto the rocks and the rumbling waves…

_They all hate me, so I just have to freaking die. And this hate will then disappear forever from the face of the earth._

I hope I die this time.

**XXXXXXXX**

Upon hearing the splash on the water, I look back at Koizumi again, but he wasn't there. Dreading for the worst, I ran to the edge of the cliff, wherein I saw Koizumi against the rocks, blood pooling on the water around him. Without thinking, I jumped, and luckily I escaped the deadly rocks where Koizumi fell. Swimming to his side, I shook Koizumi, in hope that he will wake up. But he wasn't. And when I withdrew my hands, I saw them covered with blood. Getting scared by the idea that Koizumi was dead, I shook him with more force this time, until his eyes slowly opened and looked at me.

"Koizumi, you're alive."

"K-Kyon? Heh, t-this brings b-back me-memories…"

Coughing up blood, Koizumi spoke once again.

"Even t-though you w-wouldn't remember, I s-still…remember, t-the time y-you dumped m-me…"

"Shut up for now, okay? I'll take you to shore, then bring you to a hospital. They would make you live, so don't die!"

"I'm a-already dead, K-Kyon. Y-you don't remember, r-right? I a-already died t-that day. You s-saw me d-die once al-already. I'm j-just correcting w-what was w-wrong..."

"You're not dead! You're alive! You didn't die, so shut up!"

"K-Kyon, just le-leave me here… P-Please… It's a-alright, I've a-accepted it already… I k-know certain t-things are just n-not meant f-for me… Y-Yet I'm too greedy…"

"What are you saying? I don't understand!"

"Yo-You'll understand…Nn…L-Look…"

Koizumi then took a piece of a broken mirror from his pocket and started slicing his eyes. He was wincing repeatedly, must be from the pain. I was too shocked seeing him do that to himself, yet I cannot bring myself to stop him. It was not until both his eyes are bleeding that I grabbed his hands away. He smiled at the gesture like I just did something sweet for him.

"D-Do you r-remember now K-Kyon? I b-blinded myself, a-and died l-like this i-in your a-arms… Yet the e-events are w-wildly o-out of order…"

Koizumi, how can you do that to yourself? Why are you too selfish?

"D-Don't you s-still remember? Y-You lo-love me! R-Remember…D-Don't forget…"

Koizumi was slowly slipping away, his eyes slowly closing. His labored breaths grew heavy until he seemed gasping for air.

"K-Kyon, p-please go… L-Leave me… I, I don't w-want you t-to see me o-once again d-die…"

"Koizumi, you are not going to die. I'll do whatever it takes for you to live! So don't die on me!"

"K-Kyon, you d-do not want me… Y-You're straight, a-and I'm g-getting you s-screwed up."

Koizumi, don't do this. Haruhi wishes for you to live, so don't die!

Koizumi turns to me, crying. His tears are getting mixed up with his blood.

"D-Do you w-wish for me to l-live?"

He looks like a kid wishing for an extension of Christmas which he knew would never come. Looking up at my direction with difficulty, Koizumi started showing signs of slipping away, although he tries his very best to not die before he hears my answer.

"Yes." So don't die on me!

Then, Koizumi bursts into tears, as if saying 'I don't want to die, so save me!' But when he looks up at me, I know it is already the end…

He smiled so genuinely before me, the first and last genuine smile he ever had in front of me.

"R-Really? T-Then I'll die, h-happily…"

And with those last words, Koizumi's eyes closed while his labored breathing stopped, together with the beating of his heart, with his last smile plastered on his face. Seeing him go limp on my hands made my tears suddenly fall from my eyes, until I was already hugging him tight and crying loudly. His hands fall limp on his sides; his blood still flowing from the cut he received from his fall.

…**.**

Haruhi and the other girls ran towards me as I tipsily walked while carrying Koizumi to town. The townspeople started crowding around me as they saw Koizumi's bloody body being carried back to their town. Near Haruhi and the other girls I placed Koizumi on the ground, with Haruhi immediately checking for his pulse. When Haruhi noticed that Koizumi doesn't have a pulse anymore, she looked at me, obviously wanting to know what happened. But as she saw me she just opened her mouth and closed it, as if something on me kept her from speaking. I know Haruhi was crying, even though she was keeping it to herself. Asahina-san cried upon Haruhi's declaration of Koizumi's death. Tsuruya-san held onto Asahina-san, fearing that she will faint. Soon enough, she did. Nagato-san just stood beside Koizumi as if looking for any sign that he was alive, before she walked towards me.

The people just looked at Koizumi, completely baffled by the situation. They sure do want Koizumi die, but they never expected him to kill himself.

Nagato tugged at my sleeve. Looking down, I saw Nagato peer directly at my eyes.

"Kyon, why are you crying?"

Am I? Nagato-san nodded, then looked once again at me.

"Heck, I don't know anymore! I don't know…"

With Koizumi's death replaying in my mind, I fell on my knees and continued crying, without me knowing the reason at all…

**Pretends, End**

**In the Heart of Parallel Worlds**

"Ohtsuki! Come now! You're too slow!"

Tanimiya Haruhi-san grabs my already-loaded hands towards some direction I don't know. But it's always like this; I don't think it's weird anymore. But I felt so weak.

Tanimiya-san is the brigade chief of a brigade she dragged me into joining. Together with her are her boyfriend known only as Kyon, the slutty time-traveler Imari Mikuru-san, the yankee alien Kitoshi Yuki-sama, and of course, me as the esper, Koizumi Ohtsuki-kun.

Together we make up the SOS Brigade. And Tanimiya-san knows fully well all about her "god-like" powers, much to my chagrin. So if ever something does not go her way, she deletes it and creates it again.

I think I've been deleted a thousand times already.

…**.**

Kitoshi-sama always bullies me, like, slicing me until I die? Anyway, she's still an alien. She can alter my body and bring it back to life whenever she pleased.

Meanwhile, Imari-san always humiliates me. She does this by sneaking behind my back and hugging me from behind. The male population likes her, so whenever they'd see her hug me like that, they'd think we're lovers. Due to this I would always become a punching bag after school.

The chain-smoker Kyon hadn't done anything _yet_. But I know he's got something up his sleeve. I know; he's waiting for the opportune moment.

That happened the day Tanimiya-san and the other girls went out to buy fireworks and some other stuff to vandal the temples.

"Hey Ohtsuki, want to do it with me tonight?"

I just looked at him incredulously before going back to my game.

"And why would I want to do it with you? You're a guy! And Tanimiya-san is your girlfriend, right? Why do still have to play with other people? Go and have sex with her!"

Hearing these words from me, Kyon suddenly grabbed my right hand. Kyon's face contorted into anger as he crushed his cigarette unto my wrist. With that I winced from the burn, which I noticed left a mark as soon as Kyon threw the cigarette butt on the floor.

"What right do you have to decline my order? If you're not going to come then I might as well do it now!"

Kyon tore up my uniform until it lay on the floor in shreds. The club meeting had not yet been adjourned, but Tanimiya-san and the other two girls are not inside the clubroom as of the moment. Good for the moment, yet unfortunate for me.

He pushed his lust-ridden member inside me, without any preparation or warning that made me cry out in pain and constrict my muscles until I felt it tearing apart. Crying from the pain that is becoming more evident on my body, Kyon laughed above me, his laughter sending vibrations to my spine, which made it harder to breathe.

"Don't…la-laugh…i-it hu-hurts!"

"And who told you that you can order me?"

Kyon pounded into me once more, his member striking up to my prostate, which made the results he so wanted to see from me.

"That's right, moan! Let me hear you cry once more from wanting some more!"

_I don't want to…_ But if I say that, I'll only be hurt more, so I shut up.

Minutes later Kyon had finished from his frustrations with me. Looking at my shredded uniform, I thought that if I hadn't just fought back I will still have a uniform for tomorrow. Sighing, I pulled out a jacket from my bag, and quickly walked away as I saw Tanimiya-san and the other girls come back from somewhere.

…**.**

"Ohtsuki-kun, I heard that you seduced Kyon yesterday. Is that true?"

A whip cracked at the cement floors of a basement. We were inside a big, abandoned house, which was now used by the brigade as a formal headquarters.

"ANSWER ME!"

The whip lashed itself unto me, which left me stinging, long wounds. I thrashed from my place, my hands tied up to the ceiling. Looking at Kyon I grew angry at his complacent look. Upon noticing that I was looking at him, he snickered.

_Damn you, bastard. One day I'll kill you!_

"Since it seems like you won't talk with whatever we do to you, what if we kill you?"

Tanimiya-san looked at the other people around. They seem to find the idea amusing. After much deliberation Tanimiya-san untied me from my bonds, and then explained the rules to me.

"Ohtsuki-kun, from hereon you are to run and hide to any place you like. The only catch is, if someone catches you, you will be brought back here. Your catcher can do anything they like to do to you, but, you will still die at the end. Understand?"

Nodding like crazy, I got ready for bolting out of the room. Thinking quickly, I know it will be futile to go to the police. The only option I have is to either die or disappear from this world, which I don't have any idea doing.

"But don't worry Ohtsuki-kun; you can still escape us by arriving at the finish line first. On the rooftop there is a portal that will lead you to a parallel world. But surely, you want it better here, right?"

_No, I don't, frigging psychos!_

"Okay? Then, RUN!"

I dashed out of the room immediately, with the four of them on my heels.

Needless to say I managed to dodge from their attacks until I reached the door to the rooftop. Fumbling for the door, I saw Tanimiya-san and the others spotting me above. Quickly I shook the door open, and I tumbled out into the dark roof.

I looked around, expecting a portal, but there were none.

_Where was the freaking portal?_

I can hear Tanimiya-san's voice already, shouting orders to the other members to immediately kill me. Out of desperation I ran towards the edge of the roof.

Then a portal appeared in front of me.

_My only hope…_

Tanimiya-san and the others are catching up to me. They have seen the portal too!

_I need to escape, towards the parallel world!_

The portal is closing, yet I cannot move. Tanimiya-san is shouting gibberish words towards me, yet I cannot bring myself to understand it.

_I need to _move!

I jumped into the black void, not knowing if I'll end up on the better side of the parallel worlds…

**Parallel Worlds, End**

**Sono Anata no Negai wa Ore to Ikite Iru? **(3)

"Kyon? Are you sure you will love me? Or are you just necessitated by my situation?"

Koizumi turned to me as if he can see me. But I know he can't; he just acts like he can. It's been ten months since Haruhi created this alternate universe, yet it seems nothing had changed much.

"No, it's alright. I think I can love you. Just give me some time to think…"

Although I said this, I know I'm lying; I knew it, ever since the beginning…

_I can never love Koizumi_.

Even though I've promised him that I will love him starting that day, I don't know why I can still feel myself slinking away to the thought of ending up with him.

It is only after a month had passed that I finally managed to tell Koizumi that I can never grow to love him. Upon hearing this Koizumi's face grew dark, yet he told me that it's okay. But the following days it seems like he's doing everything to get me love him.

_Like today._

"Kyon? Could you read this poem for me? Especially, _this line_!"

Koizumi pointed unto a white space.

"Koizumi, there's nothing in there but space. Are you fooling with me?"

"Ah, it seems like I really cannot locate things up to now. Then, can you just read the whole poem for me?"

So I did. But after that he repeated some of the lines and turned to me.

_"I have been wondering frequently of late _

_(But our beginnings never know our ends!) _

_Why we have not developed into friends."_ (4)

Koizumi smiled upon finishing saying that line from the poem that I had just finished reading earlier. As if expecting a response from me, he didn't talk until I replied in confusion.

"Why are you making me read this?"

"…No reason at all. Is that answering enough?"

I didn't talk after that. Yet Koizumi doesn't seem satisfied as he repeated one stanza again from the poem, but this time the stanza irked me.

"_"Ah, my friend, you do not know, you do not know _

_What life is, you who hold it in your hands"; _

_(Slowly twisting the lilac stalks) _

_"You let it flow from you, you let it flow, _

_And youth is cruel, and has no remorse _

_And smiles at situations which it cannot see." _

_I smile, of course, _

_And go on drinking tea._" (5)

And after the last line, Koizumi drank his tea like what the poem had said before he turned to me once more.

"Have you fallen for me already?"

"Are you fucking with me?"

"No. In fact I'm bullshitting with you."

"I am not some girl you can fool to fall for you."

I stood up to get away, but Koizumi already had his hold on to the sleeve of my yukata.

"But you are someone I can lure to liking me, and eventually you will have to fall for me too."

"And who would fall for a faggot like you? Certainly not me! I'd rather pick Asakura Ryouko than you!"

With that I tore myself away from Koizumi's hands and bolted straight out of the room, leaving a comprehending and stunned Koizumi behind.

**XXXXXXXX**

"Koizumi-kun, today you'll regain your sight. Don't you think that's wonderful?"

My head bandaged by some cloth I presume, I only smiled at Suzumiya-san's words. It was Nagato-san who would eventually bring me my sight back. I hope nothing fails.

"Don't worry; you just need to trust Yuki and she will make you see once again! Isn't that great?"

But what importance does sight hold? Turning to the direction of their voices, I called for Kyon.

"Yes? What do you need?"

Hearing Kyon's voice made me smile smugly before I had answered him.

"By the time my sight comes back, can you tell me if you can still fall in love with me?"

"…"

"You're not going to answer, aren't you?"

"N-No! It's just that, I said something insulting earlier, about me picking Asakura than you. I didn't really mean it! But, Haruhi also asked me the same question as yours, so, give me some time."

"Then, when can we talk about this matter?"

"Five days from now. Can you wait that long?"

Hearing the day, which was exactly a year when I got dumped by him, I smiled at the irony and said yes…

…**.**

"_And would it have been worth it, after all,  
>Would it have been worth while,<br>After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,  
>After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—<br>And this, and so much more?—  
>It is impossible to say just what I mean!<br>But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:  
>Would it have been worth while<br>If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,  
>And turning toward the window, should say:<br>"That is not it at all,  
>That is not what I meant, at all."<em>" (6)

Reading a passage from a book in the library, I grew weary for the fact that I was waiting for Kyon to appear as he told me to wait for him here. Today he would answer my confession to him, and today is exactly one year ago after I got dumped by Kyon. I was both excited and uneasy. I don't know if he will tell me that he loves me too or not. But I hope this ends everything; I'm sure this will end everything.

All too soon, Kyon comes inside, panting from running, I presume. Allowing him to breathe for a while I had to wait for at least five minutes before he said me the most dreaded answer I can ever hear from him.

"I'm sorry Koizumi, but I don't think I'll be able to fall in love with you. I'm sorry."

Stunned by his answer, I had to have him wait moments before I react once again. But this reaction doesn't hold much real emotion that I was feeling at that moment. I was feeling rejected by his words.

_I felt deceived._

"No, it's okay."

_No, it's _not_ okay. I'm lying. Yes, I lied. _

"You don't have to force yourself to love me."

_I was again bullshitting. I would force you to love me even though you'd hate me for it._

"I got my eyesight back now."

_Yeah right, would _you_ even care? As if you wished for this, which unfortunately you didn't._

"But we can remain as friends, right?"

_I can't remain friends with you, now that I know that I will never stop loving you._

Kyon looked only at me, as if trying to understand my words and not the real words underneath them. Coming both to a realization and an answer, he looked back at me.

"Well, maybe we can remain as friends for now… Um, I'll go to Haruhi now. I can't afford to have her wait for me and give me some punishments."

Kyon then slightly ran towards the path which will eventually lead him to Suzumiya-san's direction. So I see; Suzumiya-san got him to become her boyfriend, after much persuasion. Kyon seemed to like Suzumiya-san even before, so I don't think it needed him much more persuasion than needed. But still, it made my heart grow heavy as he talks about Suzumiya-san. I still love him, but he doesn't…

And now, looking at the book of poems that was transported into this alternate world, I read out a poem that was most certainly holding what I feel, as of the moment and all of the moments that was sure to come.

"_And with this sense of finality_

_I hope you fall in love with me—_

_Just as the meadow turns green_

_And the flowers bloom once again._

_But shall I get suicidal_

_Just by the thought of you leaving me?_

_All alone in this foreign place—_

_Feeling wretched and deceived whilst crying in your place?_" (7)

Drops fell onto the page as I attempted to wipe them away. Unfortunately my hands had not been that fast to deny them; I had been vulnerable. Trembling from the overflow of emotions that started to well up on my eyes, I closed the book grudgingly. I then started to walk towards my room wherein I can lock myself inside once more and wallow on my self-wretchedness…

**Alternate Story, End**

**Author's Note: **I'm sorry the story is super fast paced like you're watching a movie in fast forward I hope no one hates me for this T.T

Whew! It has been days since the first semester ended and minutes since I passed my last paper for my major subject wherein I had to explicate sixteen poems to pass (Poetry). I'm dreading my grade! Whatever, we all do, right? Except if you're a genius or what-else I don't know… Anyways, thanks for the reviews! Although this story had already ended, I wish you would all continue to review this story! Tell me, what do you think? Did it made you feel sad? Do you like how it ended? I made an alternate ending that ends happily, I think? At least Koizumi got his eyesight back and didn't die! That's all that matters! I hope I didn't crashed your hopes in this story of mine. I had a real happy ending but it seems trashy so I didn't write it on paper or even typed it. Well, maybe someone will give this story a justice and write a happy ending for these two! *looking for potential happy ending writers*

I had Koizumi die on the 'real' ending since Koizumi wanted Kyon to get back his lost memories, which he eventually did. (Kyon remembers his love for Koizumi in the end, that's why he can't stop crying. Nagato goes to Kyon to emphasize on that point, because Kyon's feelings are just not enough to make it appear that he cannot stop crying. And I doubt Kyon would admit that he couldn't stop crying if Nagato hadn't gone up to his place.)

I have checked out a BL game by Nitro+CHiRAL which was "Sweet Pool". Heard of it yet? It was good, with all sad endings. So for those looking for tragic ends, this is good for you! But it's in Japanese, and you have to buy it. I will buy it, and soon play it. I hope I don't cry! I hope I'll end with Tetsuo and Youji, and not with Mita XXXXing Youji! (The XXXXing is a word, but if I wrote it here, it will be a spoiler, so I didn't.) I am also looking forward to another Nitro+CHiRAL titled "Togainu no Chi." It was bloody and gory and BL! So, I have two games now (aside from the Spongebob game that SakuraDrops141 told me about). I hope I can continue writing stories whilst playing games!

Anyway:

1. The translation is:

"If I thought my answer were given

to anyone who would ever return to the world,

this flame would stand still without moving any further.

But since never from this abyss

has anyone ever returned alive, if what I hear is true,

without fear of infamy I answer you."

This translation is from _Princeton Dante Project_, not mine. This passage comes from Dante's _Inferno_ (XXVII, 61-66)

2. The translation, done by T.S Eliot in his essay 'Dante' (1929) is "Be mindful in due time of my pain." This comes from Dante's _Purgatorio_ (XXVI, 147).

3. The translation is "Do you wish for me to live?" Kyaa! My only Japanese title!

4. and 5. comes from T.S Eliot's poem "The Portrait of a Lady".

6. This stanza comes from T.S Eliot's poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock".

7. A part of a poem I made, and is already finished! Check my deviantart account for the whole poem. The title is "Winter Solstice".

I had also posted the whole version of this story (with all the slight revisions and deletions) on my deviantart account. The collective title is "Throes of the Unrequited". It's a continuous story, which was not a short story anymore but a novella since it has over 20,000 words already. Anyway, my deviantart account is emphasisonANYU deviantart com. Just replace the spaces for dots/periods/whatever/(visual representation: **. **)

Whatever… _Linda Linda~!_

Oh yeah, I'm making a manga version of this and I'll be posting it on my deviantart! Yay yay~!

Anyway, don't forget to leave a review! I don't care if you're anonymous or a member, I welcome all reviews because by knowing your thoughts I can change for either the better or the worse. So please, review, review, review!

~Weidersehen!

For the LAST time, a question:

Have you ever imagined yourself not liking the idea of marriage? Well, I deeply dislike marriage, I'm scared! (I'm a virgin, period, and I have no plans of changing that) But can you imagine yourself with a child without doing the nasty with some other person? Without having the artificial insemination thingy, I dislike unnatural methods. I'm sorry for asking a sort of sensitive question, I just need it for new perspectives. Anyway, thanks for those that have time to answer me.

"/And quote the Raven; Nevermore!"

Edgar Allan Poe,_ Raven_


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